Work Sucks
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Shadow forces Hiei to get a job. After some rather odd events, the entire gang has to get jobs. Be afraid... MUWAHAHAHAHA... Okay, that's quite enough of that.
1. Interviews and Torture

**CHAPTER ONE**

Interviews and Torture

When a possible employer asks you what your previous occupations were, do NOT tell him you were once a thief and a top-notch assassin in Makai. You will promptly be thrown out of his office, and any chance of getting a job with that particular employer goes down the drain instantly.

"YOU TOLD HIM _WHAT_?!" Shadow screamed. Hiei flinched.

"I just told the truth. You told me to," he said.

"Well I thought you'd have enough sense to _lie_ about something like that!"

"You told me not to! I don't know much about getting jobs in Ningenkai! I've never done it before!" Hiei snapped. "I don't see why _I need to be the one to get a job anyway. Why can't you?!"_

"Because I'm _fifteen_!"

"_So?"_

"Calm down, both of you!" Kurama ordered, stepping between the two. "Shadow, why is it you need Hiei to get a job, anyway?"

"Because I need money, and since I'm fifteen, I don't think too many employers are willing to hire a fifteen-year-old girl and pay her decent wages. Not like very many want to hire a short dude with anti-grav hair, either, but at least he looks older than fifteen!"

"What are you wanting this money for?"

"I want to improve my house. _Our_ house, technically, since Hiei lives there too. And I want money acquired _legally, if you don't mind," Shadow said._

"First off, how can you improve that house? It's a mansion already; we've got four or five bathrooms, about ten or twelve bedrooms, a huge basement capable of fitting four or ten elephants comfortably inside, an attic that's just as nice as any other room in the house, and it's got acres upon acres of land surrounding it. How can you improve that?!" Hiei snapped.

"Well first, I was thinking something like getting air conditioning, being as all week it's been above 80 degrees, and it's supposed to get hotter next week, and I might be half breed fire demon, but I can't stand miserable humid heat like that! Second, I thought it'd be nice to have a swimming pool... Maybe in-ground... Something nice, you know?"

Kurama and Hiei stared at her like she was a giant radioactive hamster with 6-inch fangs and an uncanny lust for human flesh.

"Uh... and... er... second... Since when did you care about the methods used to get money to you?" Hiei asked, trying to snap out of his stunned silence. "You bought that house with money from a stolen item, so why not improve it with stolen-item-money?"

"Because, first, I'd have to ask _Youko_ for the item, and you know what'd he'd do? 'Why should I help you? What've you ever done for me?'" Shadow imitated in a snotty voice. Kurama quirked an eyebrow. "And second, because who says Kurama has any more stolen treasures he could sell in Ningenkai? They probably all have freaky powers and would turn the first human to touch it into a goldfish!"

"Yeah right!" Hiei snapped. "Did you ask him yet?"

"No."

Hiei and Shadow turned and looked at Kurama expectantly. 

"Shadow was right," he said.

"Damn," Hiei cursed.

"Now, on to the next job. And if you tell the next guy that you were previously a thief and assassin, I will kill you and let a mob of rabid fangirls have your dead body," Shadow threatened. Hiei's eyes widened.

"Then what am I supposed to tell them?"

"Tell them... some lie. Tell them you used to be a martial arts instructor! Cuz that fits... you've taught some people some things, so it's not entirely a lie," Shadow said, shrugging. "What's next on the list?"

Kurama pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and handed it to her. Her eyes scanned down the page.

"Secretary? Taxi-cab driver? FBI agent... Who the hell wrote this list?"

"You did," the two boys said in unison, pointing at her.

"Ah! I found one!"

Shadow led them down the street. About ten minutes later, they arrived outside a building with a sign over the door that read "H.R. & J-Psychiatric." Kurama stared at the large blue letters.

"You're kidding, Shadow," he said, tearing his eyes away from the sign and looking down at her.

"Nope. Hiei, if they ask previous occupation... tell them you were a school teacher," Shadow said. Hiei stared at her wide-eyed.

"You're honestly gonna make me apply for a psychiatrist's job?"

"Hey, it's worth a try!"

Hiei's eyes got so wide they were in danger of popping out of his head. His eyebrows got so high they vanished under his headband. Shadow grabbed his shoulders and steered him into the building. 

The receptionist at the desk was on the phone when they came in. She looked a bit stressed out. Her hair was falling out of its tight ponytail, her dress shirt was wrinkled, and the coffee on her desk had long since gotten cold. 

Shadow, holding Hiei's wrist to keep him from leaving, waited patiently for her to get off the phone.

"Yes, Mr. Shimada, I'm aware of-- Yes, sir, but... If you would just let me finish, I could explain!" the woman snapped, getting annoyed. "Thank you. Now, your condition can not be cured by medicine."

There was some insane screaming on the other end. The receptionist grimaced.

"No, you're not going to die!"

More screaming.

"From the symptoms you described to me, it sounds like you have a case of the common cold..." She paused, glancing up at Hiei and smiling before quickly returning to the phone conversation. "No, sir, the common cold is not deadly... No, they don't have a cure, but it won't kill you..."

Wide-eyed, the three visitors exchanged glances.

"You honestly want me to get a job here?!" Hiei hissed under his breath.

"Yes."

Meanwhile, the receptionist had finally given in and was setting up an appointment with Mr. Shimada.

"We don't have an opening today... It would have to be tomorrow. Early tomorrow... Sir, you're not going to die overnight! Tomorrow morning at nine o' clock, okay? I promise you will not die from the cold! All right? Okay. See you tomorrow morning," she said. She hung up the phone, sighing and pushing her glasses up on her nose before looking up at Hiei.

(As an explanation for that conversation, we'll assume Mr. Shimada has a fear of death.)

"Did you have an appointment?" she asked.

"No. We're here about the job opening," Shadow said. The woman looked surprised.

"Oh! Oh, hang on just a minute," she said. She pushed a button on her phone and said, "Ma'am, there's some people here about the job opening."

"Oh, good! Send them in," a voice said.

"Last door on the right," the receptionist said. Shadow led them down the hall and entered the room. It was rather large, with quite a few large, decorative plants, a few cushioned chairs, and a desk. Behind the desk sat a woman with brown hair and brown eyes, wearing a green outfit (none of these small details are of much importance, so I don't know why I put them there). She didn't look half as frazzled as the receptionist had.

"Nice to meet you all," she said, looking them over. "Which one is here for the interview?"

"I am," Hiei managed to say.

"Well, have a seat," the lady said. "I'll be interviewing you... First, we'll start off with the easy things. What is your name?"

"Hiei Jaganshi."

"How old are you?"

"28." (Of course that's not his real age...)

The interview went fairly well. Hiei managed to finish it without being kicked out. The woman leaned back in her chair, looking Hiei over.

"Well, we're in desperate need of help right now, and you seem... Well... Hiei, congratulations. You're hired. We'll see what you can do," she said.

Hiei's eyes widened. Shadow laughed, partly from amusement, partly from happiness, and hugged Hiei. Kurama smiled, more of a grimace, since a million possible scenarios were running through his head, most of them involving Hiei, his katana, and a poor traumatized patient.

"I have a patient coming in soon. I'd like you to help me out with him, if that's okay."

"It's fine," Shadow said quickly. "He's not busy."

"Well good. Come with me, then, Hiei. _Just_ Hiei," the woman said. Shadow and Kurama hung back while Hiei, looking tortured, followed the woman into a room and the door was closed behind him.

A few minutes later, a man walked down the hall and entered the room Hiei and the woman were in. Shadow caught a brief glimpse of Hiei, leaning on the desk the woman was sitting on.

"Well, there's patient number one," Shadow said a second later.

"He's going to explode."

"Who? Hiei or the guy? The patient guy."

"Hiei. Well, the guy will physically explode after Hiei blows him up, but Hiei will emotionally explode and physically blow him up."

"What do you know?! I think he'll do fine."

No sooner had the words come out of her mouth then the door in front of her opened and Hiei was pushed out. The woman looked furious.

"How could you?! You deserve to be thrown in prison! Or worse! You heartless bastard!" she screamed. The door slammed. Shadow and Kurama looked at Hiei for an explanation.

"HE DESERVED IT!" Hiei screamed back. Something slammed against the door. The woman had probably thrown her shoe.

"Hiei... WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Shadow yelled.

"I told the guy he was a coward and I didn't understand how anybody could feel bad for him. He started bawling his eyes out... He's afraid of _germs!" Hiei said. "How can you be afraid of germs? They're everywhere!"_

"Well... That's why he's at the _psychiatrist_!" Shadow snapped.

"Shadow, cut him a break. I can't believe you actually thought he'd be able to get a job at a psychiatrist's office, even as secretary or something. He's a demon, for God's sake," Kurama said.

"Thank you, Kurama! I wish you'd said something earlier, though," Hiei said. "Shadow, can we go home now? It's obvious I can't get a job in Ningenkai. Well... a _legal_ job that doesn't require me to kill and steal things..."

Shadow's face was scrunched up in thought. "I have an idea."

Hiei moaned miserably, his shoulders slumping.

"After this one, we'll go home. But I think this one will work."

"_Fine. But if you drag me around anywhere after that one, I'll knock you unconscious and lock you in a titanium room with Youko," Hiei threatened. Kurama quirked an eyebrow. Shadow's eyes got wider and she nodded._

"I wouldn't put it past you."

She led the group outside and down the street. About ten minutes later, they were standing outside the nearest prison. Hiei stared at her.

"You want me to work _here_?" he asked. Shadow nodded.

"It's better than psychiatrics, isn't it?"

"Well... yeah, but you actually think I'd be able to put up with dozens, or even hundreds of prisoners every day without killing them?"

"You'd better. Let's go."

A couple minutes later, they were in the head warden's office and Hiei was filling out an application to become a prison guard. He handed it to the man, completely filled out in rather sloppy handwriting.

"Well... Hiei Jaganshi..." the warden said, looking over the papers, "I'll get back to you on this, though I'm sure you'll be accepted. We've had three other applications so far in a month, and none of them had any kind of experience with any job... let alone one involving martial arts. I'm sure you'd be a great help... Well, if I haven't called you by Sunday, just assume you're not accepted, but like I said, I'm sure after a close look at these papers that you'll be hired. You're dismissed."

The trio left. Shadow smiled at Hiei.

"Told you!" she said. 

"Yeah, whatever. I still don't think I'll be able to be around ningen prisoners without doing _something_ horrible to them. I mean..." Hiei said. Shadow cut him off.

"You'll do _fine_!"

"Well don't beat me up if I get fired."

"Not to burst your bubble, but we don't even know that you've been hired yet," Kurama pointed out.

"Yeah, whatever," Shadow said, brushing him off. "Hey... Race ya home!" She took off running as she said it, taking full advantage of Hiei's momentary confusion to get a head start. Kurama took off running after her, and Hiei's confusion cleared up as he realized what she'd said, and he shot after them, easily getting the lead in a few seconds. He toyed with Shadow, staying about five or ten feet ahead of her the entire time until their house came into view. Then Shadow made a flying leap and tackled him. They rolled into the yard in a tangled mess and tied the race. Kurama didn't win because he'd deliberately hung back to watch Hiei torture Shadow.

"Well that race had an interesting end," he said, panting slightly (they'd run at least 5 miles in a stretch of about twenty minutes). Hiei was now laying on his back on top of Shadow.

"Get off me, Hiei," Shadow said. Hiei sighed and relaxed, stretching out his arms and yawning. He closed his eyes and grinned evilly.

"Nope."

"Get off me now, Hiei," she repeated.

"Nope. I'm comfortable. You're soft."

"Are you calling me fat?!"

"No. It was a compliment. You'd rather be soft and cuddly than bony and uncomfortable, right?" Hiei asked.

"If it would make you get up, I'd rather be uncomfortable. The grass is making me itchy. I'm gonna start squirming and twitching and whining," Shadow warned. "Will you get up then?"

"Nope."

"Hieiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!" Shadow whined. Hiei laughed and rolled over so they were face-to-face and propped himself up on his arms to look down at her.

"You forced me to where this wretched suit, you dragged me all around Tokyo, and you yelled at me for making mistakes in interviews when you didn't specifically tell me what to say and what not to say to them when they asked questions. I think you can stand to lay in the grass for a few minutes," he said.

"No I can't. I'm gonna die," she replied, giving him a pitiful look. He blinked.

"You know that doesn't work on me."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"_Please?!!!!!!!!"_

"Nope."

"LEMME UP!" Shadow screamed, so loud Hiei plugged his ears and flinched. But he didn't get up. Shadow started squirming insanely. Hiei sat on her stomach. She clawed huge ditches in the ground trying to pull herself out from under him. He laughed. Well... at least he did until a huge clod of soil hit him in the face. Then he brushed the dirt off his face and looked at Shadow in such a way that she shrunk away in fear. She smiled innocently.

"Apologize," he ordered coldly. 

"Gomennasai, Shishou," Shadow said.

"Shishou?" Hiei said, surprised and confused.

"Yes sir."

"I'll accept that," Hiei said. He got up and pulled Shadow to her feet.

"Wahoo!" She ran into the house, slamming the door behind her. Kurama had long since gone inside and made himself comfortable. He was sitting on the couch watching TV. He glanced up at her.

"How'd you get him off?" he asked. Shadow mocked herself in a preppy voice.

"'Gomennasai, Shishou.'"

Kurama looked at her in disbelief. "Did you really say that?!"

"Hai."

"She's learned her proper place," Hiei joked, coming up behind her. "And it only took how long? A year?"

He walked up the stairs to his room. Shadow stuck out her tongue at the stairs where he'd vanished. The phone rang.

"Oooooh weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Shadow squealed. She picked up the phone. "Hello, Jaganshi residence, Shadow speeeeeeeeeeeaking, how may I help you?"

"You're the girl that was with Hiei Jaganshi at the job interview, right?"

Shadow recognized the prison warden's voice. She covered up the receiver and squealed, jumping up and down and looking at Kurama. She calmed down and answered back, in a calm, formal tone, "Yes I am."

"Well, could I speak to him?"

"Yes, hang on a second," Shadow said. She set down the phone (how primitive! No portable phone _or_ cell phones! ^_^) and went to the bottom of the stairs. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to scream, but Kurama lunged at her and put his hand over her mouth.

"You act all formal on the phone, but you're gonna scream up two flights of stairs to get Hiei? I think not. Go upstairs and get him," he said quietly. Shadow shot up the stairs and knocked on Hiei's door.

"Hiei, your most probably employer is on the phone and he wants to talk to you," Shadow said sweetly. Hiei opened the door. Shadow stared at him in surprise.

"What?"

"Hiei, I find it amazing how often you go around half naked."

"Half naked? I am not!"

"Shirtless. Whatever. Just... hurry up! He's waiting for you on the phone."

"I was changing, and you interrupted me before I got my shirt on. Therefore, I am shirtless. Half naked puts me in mind of a prostitute, and I prefer you do not use that term in relation with me," Hiei said as Shadow followed him down the stairs.

"Don't worry Hiei. I'm sure if you were deliberately showing off your sexy muscley chest to me, you'd try to do it when Kurama wasn't around," Shadow said sarcastically.

"What? Are you saying you think I'm _purposely_ walking around with no shirt on? To try to _seduce you_? I have other means of seduction. Now shut up." Hiei picked up the phone receiver. "Hello?"

Shadow quirked an eyebrow and stared at him. *'_I have other means of seduction.' **Other means of seduction**?! And just who would he be planning on using those other means of seduction **on**???_*

A minute later, Hiei hung up the phone.

"Well, I have a job now," he said dryly. Shadow squealed. Kurama smiled and congratulated him. "Yes, aren't you happy, Shadow?"

"Oh, yes, of course. I'm overjoyed. You need a congratulations hug!"

"Oh, please," Hiei whined. Shadow wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him until he groaned. "Can't... breathe..."

With an evil grin, Shadow started rubbing her hands up and down his back.

"Mmmmm... muscley," she said. Hiei let out a startled yell and pushed her away. She was laughing so hard she fell over. Suddenly she got completely straight-faced and calm, stood up, and looked at Hiei.

"When do you start?"

"Wha...?"

"Your job."

"Oh... Monday."

"Woo!"

"And please, for the sake of everything good in the world, do _not say anything about my muscles anymore," Hiei pleaded. _

"Sooooooooooo... What are the other means of seduction you said something about before you got on the phone?" Shadow asked innocently. 

Hiei's shoulders slumped. Kurama turned off the TV and stood up.

"Well, I think I'll be going," he said. "Congratulations on your job, Hiei. I'll talk to you sometime on Monday to see how your first day went. Goodbye." He walked by, nodding once to acknowledge Shadow, who was smiling innocently with her eyes closed and her hands clasped behind her back. Then he walked out the door, ignoring Hiei's inarticulate (God, I used a vocab word) protests.

"So? Gonna answer me?" Shadow asked. In response, Hiei turned and walked towards the stairs. Shadow followed him all the way up to his room. He tried to close the door in her face, but she pushed it back open and leapt into his room before he slammed the door again.

"OUT!" he ordered. Shadow didn't listen. Instead, she went and laid on Hiei's bed, closing her eyes and smiling, then cuddling his pillow.

"Comfy."

"Shadow!" Hiei whined.

"Well, if you won't tell me your little secrets of seduction, then I'll just ask you who you are planning on seducing," Shadow said, looking at him.

"Nobody!"

"Ah. I understand. You won't answer me because if I realize you're trying to seduce me, it won't work," she said cheerfully.

"Yes, of course. I have a secret lust for mad, passionate sex, and you're my next victim. You've made it so easy for me to just fuck you right here and now," Hiei said. His voice was completely normal, so even though he was joking, he sounded serious.

Shadow's eyes widened with horror and she leapt off his bed. 

"Stay away from me."

Hiei laughed. "I'm kidding. Get real. If I had some insane lust for sex, don't you think I would have made some move before now? I mean, I've lived with you for a year or something, right? Now would you please get out of my room?"

"Hmm... since you said please... I guess so. But then again... I like your room."

"So?!"

"I'll trade you rooms."

"What?! Heck no! Your room is screwed up!"

"Is not. it's just bigger than yours, and the walls are not black, nor do they have dragons or fire painted on them. They're white. And white walls are not dangerous, they just... aren't black. Besides, I have so many pictures and things tacked up, you can barely see the walls!" Shadow said.

"I guess that framed list of swear words in foreign languages would fit under the 'and things' category?" Hiei said.

"Yes. Yes it would."

"Get out of my room."

"Iie."

Eventually, Shadow did leave Hiei's room, and he got around to doing whatever he'd planned on doing when he got his room back. Shadow went down and watched another one of those cheezy SciFi movies she always seems to watch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Translations_**

Gomennasai- I'm sorry (or something similar)

Shishou- Master

Hai- Yes

Iie- No

ningen- human

I think that's all of them. Anyway, please r&r. And if you have read my Christmas story and are wondering why the HELL I'm not updating, blame school, this story, and another story I'm writing that I'm not posting yet. And also, blame the loser who ate the key to the writer's block that story got sealed in.


	2. Rewards

**CHAPTER TWO**

Rewards

Well, Monday came around in no time and Hiei went to prison. Er... work. As a prison guard. Yes, that's it. Anyway, this chapter is going to be about Hiei.

Not knowing exactly what to do when he got there, Hiei went to the head warden's office (For future reference, this guy's name is Akamatsu. Well, that's his last name, at least). As soon as he walked in, the man smiled and stood up.

"Hello, Hiei."

"Hello."

"Ready for your first day of work?"

"Ready? I suppose."

"All right. Well, we've got to get you a uniform, and... why do you have a sword with you?"

"I take it everywhere."

"Do you know how to use it?"

"Hai, baka! Didn't I tell you I used to teach martial arts?"

"Let me see it."

Hiei drew his sword and held it in front of him.

"It's actually sharp! What kind of martial arts teacher carries around a sharp sword?!"

"This one," Hiei said, sheathing his sword. 

"Hai, well I suppose you won't need a gun, then. Better carry it anyway, though, just in case, ne?"

"Whatever, but I doubt I'd ever use it."

"Um... Well, let's just get you a uniform, all right?" Akamatsu said. 

A little while later, Hiei was wearing the uniform of the prison guard and had been lectured on rules and procedures. He was standing beside the door in Akamatsu's office, looking rather bored and spiteful.

"I'm going to make you my personal bodyguard and assistant," the man had said. "If there's ever an escape or a riot, my safety is in your hands."

Well, standing there leaning against a wall all day was definitely easy pay, but he wasn't really concerned about money.

Actually, he was. This way, he didn't have to do anything, and he was getting money, and Shadow would leave him alone.

Then again... Once she got her a/c and in-ground swimming pool, who knows what she'd be wanting next? A tennis court? Maybe she'd want to convert the basement into a bar. 

Hiei was so lost in his thoughts he barely even noticed Akamatsu say, "Well, it's time for my rounds. Come with me." Luckily, he did notice and hurriedly trailed after him. 

The prisoners, for the most part, were assholes. They made stupid noises and threw things and Hiei was sorely tempted to murder all of them. Or course, he didn't, because then he'd be shipped off to the high-security penitentiary and have to escape and go back to Makai to stay away from Ningenkai police as well as Koenma.

But since he didn't kill anyone, he was safe.

The rest of the day was extremely boring. Hiei ran some errands, delivering papers to people and getting signatures from other people and all in all he decided his job didn't suck as bad as he'd expected it to.

But it did suck.

When he got home, he was promptly greeted rather loudly by Shadow.

"Hello, Hiei! How was work?!" she asked. "Fun? Boring? Stupid? Sucky?"

"Fneh," he replied.

"Really? So it wasn't half as bad as you expected it to be but it still sucked. Well didn't I tell you you'd do fine? You didn't get fired!"

Hiei didn't respond.

"... Or did you?"

"Huh?"

"Get fired."

"Iie."

"Good."

"..."

"Sooo... are you hungry? I could make you a sandwich or something..."

Hiei stared at her.

"Are you seriously offering to fix me a sandwich, or am I hearing things? 'Cause that's got to be the first time I've ever heard that."

"Well I just thought that since you've got a job and you're getting me money, I should do _something_ to return the favor, ne? Even if it is as simple as fixing your dinner and whatnot. I mean... You know what I mean."

"Hai."

The phone rang.

"That's probably Kurama," Shadow said. "Didn't he say he'd call?"

"Yeah." Hiei answered the phone. "Hello? Oh, hey Kurama."

With that confirmed, Shadow went into the kitchen to fix... sandwiches. She's sure going all-out, yeah? 

Five minutes into their extravagant dinner, somebody rang the doorbell. Shadow stuffed the rest of her sandwich in her mouth and walked to the door. She opened it to find Eclipse standing there holding a suitcase.

"Hmmff?" Shadow said, her cheeks puffed out as she tried to chew the sandwich. Eclipse stared at her puffy-cheeked friend. For a minute, there was silence.

"You look like a chipmunk."

Shadow nearly choked. She tried to stop laughing so she could swallow her food, and eventually managed to after about dying.

"Why're you here?" she asked, swallowing.

"I was wondering if I could stay with you and Hiei for a while."

"Why?"

"My parents royally pissed me off!"

"Well they do that sometimes," Shadow said. "But if it's that bad, fine. Stay. We got plenty of room... Did I tell you Hiei got a job?"

"... If you did I don't remember."

"Well Hiei has a job. He's a guard at the prison."

"Are you serious?!"

"Absolutely."

Eclipse burst out laughing. Shadow stood aside and her friend walked in. They went to the dining room.

"Hiei, Eclipse is gonna stay with us for a little while cuz her parents royally pissed her off. All right?"

"Fine... But... Since when did my opinion matter?"

"Since I decided to ask it."

"Ah."

"Exactly. Now... Come with me, child," Shadow said, leading Eclipse away.

"_Child_?" she said, trailing after her friend.

Hiei survived that week at work. Shadow was so happy she not only hugged him until he couldn't breathe, but she also fixed a more elaborate dinner than sandwiches! She made some strange... something... with meat and rice and stuff... and surprisingly, it was good! Despite the fact that it looked like something you might find in vomit, it was good.

Sorry, that was gross. You want me to go into detail? Well, the rice looked like little maggots, and for all Hiei and Eclipse knew, they were. But they weren't. And...

Had enough yet?

Muwahahahaha!!

And after the good-tasting-but-disgusting-looking rice/meat concoction, they had cake. Made by Shadow. And it tasted good too! And Hiei complimented her!

"You know, you act like a total idiot, and sometimes I'm not sure whether you're acting or not, but at least you aren't a horrible cook."

"Well gee, thanks Hiei. At least there's one good thing about me."

"No, there's more than one good thing about you," he said, feeling a bit guilty for sounding rude and hoping he could think of something convincing that wouldn't sound like he was hitting on her.

"Stop right there!" Eclipse interrupted. "If you two are gonna have some mushy little love scene, do it when I'm not around!"

"You want that cake rammed up your nose?" Shadow threatened.

"No."

"Then shut up."

"Why? For all I know, you two have little make-out sessions and whatnot every day. Since nobody else lives here, it is a bit suspicious, you know," Eclipse pointed out, expecting to be throttled. Instead, she saw something... naughty... flash in Shadow's eyes. She watched as her friend walked to Hiei and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind. She put her head next to his.

"Yes, of course," Shadow said, grinning. "We do that all the time. We play strip poker, too. And after that, the loser... well..." She went into insane fits of laughter, which usually signified something perverted was going through her head. Eclipse's eyes bugged as millions of ideas went through her mind.

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" She ran away. A second later she walked back in, looking cautious and suspicious. "I don't trust you two alone together anymore."

Shadow tried to look innocent. "Why not? What's wrong?"

"I think... if I leave you two alone, you'll... do things..."

"Of course we'll do things, idiot!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"We'll watch TV, and we'll play pool, and we'll read books, and..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Eclipse's mind was not functioning. All she was hearing was 'We'll have sex, and more sex, and more sex, and...'

"I think she's flipped her lid," Hiei said.

"Hai. Her mind is vulnerable. Maybe I could eat her brain."

"... Nani?"

"Her lid. Her lid is flipped, her mind is open, her brain is exposed, and I shall eat it for dinner."

"... Good luck finding it," Hiei said, shrugging. He stood up and Shadow took her arms from around his shoulders.

"Where are _you_ going?" Shadow asked.

"Up to my room. You know, you didn't have to go through all that trouble to make dinner and everything," Hiei said. Shadow shrugged.

"I only burned myself twice."

Hiei raised his eyebrows. "Is that good?"

"It didn't really hurt that bad... Anyway, I think I'd better try to calm Eclipse down... If you want anything else, feel free to ask... I mean, you're the working man of the house now, right? You boss me around," Shadow said.

"You think that's how it works, huh?"

"Perhaps."

Suddenly, Eclipse jumped between them.

"TOO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE! NO SMOOCHIES! NO NO NO!"

"God, Eclipse! We're not gonna kiss!" Shadow said.

"Yeah right! You were about three inches apart!"

"Aye. So?"

"So usually when a guy and a girl are three inches apart, they then go ahead and KISS."

"Whatever. Look, I'm going up to my room," Hiei said. "Good night."

"Good night Hiei," Shadow said sweetly, just to scare Eclipse worse. Her friend turned to her.

"What _do_ you two do when nobody's around?"

Monday. The first day of Hiei's third week at the prison. It was boring and exactly the same as every other day. He stood in Akamatsu's office, half asleep, supposedly guarding him.

The phone rang, bringing him back to the real world. Akamatsu pressed the button for speaker phone.

"What?" His normal greeting.

"Sir, we've got a few more prisoners... Teenagers. What do you want me to do with them?"

"They're here? Now?"

"Yes sir."

"I'll send Hiei for them." With that he hung up. "Hiei... Take the new prisoners to cell thirteen. Here's the keys. They're in the front office."

Hiei took the keys and walked out of the office, down the hall between the prison cells, noting that cell thirteen was empty, then stepped into the police office. His jaw dropped. He moved his mouth but couldn't say anything, because standing there, all of them wearing handcuffs, were his closest friends. Plus Kuwabara, too.

Yes, I know. It's not as long as usual, but at least I updated. Besides, I thought I'd just leave you with a nice little cliffhanger. Don't worry, the cliff isn't all that high. Just about 50 feet, maybe? Anywho, review, people. Maybe you could suggest what they're in prison for. I mean, I have some idea, but I need options here. Options options options. Ya know? 'Course ya do.

Oh, you want a dictionary? Hai means yes, iie means no, nani means what, and I think that's it.


	3. This is the Situation

It seems chapter two wasn't up to my usual standards. Sorry. I hadn't written anything to this story in weeks, and I wrote that in the middle of the night, half asleep, and I didn't go back and reread it. Come to think of it, I didn't reread this one either. If there's any spelling errors or anything, deal with it. 

So anyway, I hope this chapter is funnier. Thanks to everybody who gave me ideas.

*~*~*~*****

**CHAPTER THREE**

This is the situation****

Shadow looked around when she heard the door close behind Hiei.

"Oh. Hi Hiei."

_Hi? That's all she's got to say is **hi**?! She's standing in a police office wearing handcuffs and all she's got to say is **HI?!**_

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Hiei exploded. The entire police station silenced and everybody stared at him. Shadow winced.

"She really had nothing to do with it," Kurama said, smiling slightly. Hiei groaned.

"Then what did _you_ do?"

"I really had nothing to do with it either."

"Well then WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"Because we are bad people," Eclipse said. Shadow kicked her.

"Because the _police_ are STUPID!" she snapped. Everybody minus Shadow and the police winced. A particularly cruel looking police officer stood up and walked over to her.

"So we're stupid, huh?"

"Did I say that? I meant... um... Yes. You're stupid."

"Maybe you'd like to say that to my face!?"

"I... just... um... did..." Shadow said, confused.

"Maybe you'd like to say it to my face AGAIN!"

"Whatever. You're stupid."

Hiei darted over and got between Shadow and the police officer, who stood at least a foot taller than them.

"She doesn't mean it. She's mentally unstable," Hiei said. It was only a partial lie, really... The 'she doesn't mean it' part wasn't true...

"I do--"

Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth. "Anyway, I have to do my job. Come with me, you idiots."

"Idiots?! Don't you go getting cocky just because you're a police officer now, Hiei!" Kuwabara said.

"Shows how much you know... Baka. I'm not a police officer. I'm a prison guard. More precisely, the warden's bodyguard. Now shut up," Hiei said. "I want one of you to explain what exactly happened."

"It was Yusuke," Kurama said after a second. Hiei stopped and glared at Yusuke in such a way that the boy felt like he was three inches tall and shrinking fast.

"Oh?" is all Hiei said.

"Yes... See... He kind of... Um..."

"Why doesn't YUSUKE explain it!?" Shadow snapped. "Save poor Kurama the embarrassment."

"_Embarrassment?" Hiei asked. "Okay, if you don't explain to me RIGHT NOW what you did, I'm gonna ask the kind man who brought you in."_

"Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Well he really wasn't all that kind. He made me sit on Kuwabara's lap on the way here," Shadow said. "And Eclipse had to sit on Yusuke's lap. And Kurama was smashed against the door. The back of police cars really aren't made for five people."

"Let's not get off subject," Eclipse said. "Yusuke was going to tell Hiei what he did to land us all in PRISON."

Yusuke shrunk under everybody's stare.

"Well," he said, his voice high-pitched and freaky-sounding from being 2 inches tall. "I... Sumo wrestling."

"You _what_?!"

"I mistook a police office for a sumo wrestler."

"Liar," Shadow shot.

"No! I'm not lying! I thought the guy was a sumo wrestler."

"But that's not what got us in here."

"It couldn't have helped much," Kurama muttered.

"Okay. From the beginning," Hiei ordered.

So Yusuke managed to recount the events that had led to their arrest.

"You started a riot," Hiei stated dryly.

"No! We didn't _purposely_ start a riot! It just ended up that way. Nobody got hurt... And nobody but us got arrested," Yusuke said.

"That's not a good thing," Shadow muttered.

"Speaking of being arrested... Aren't we supposed to be in a cell?" Eclipse asked. Hiei snapped back to reality and remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He led them to cell #13, took off their handcuffs, and put all five inside.

"Now... don't pick the lock or anything. Then I'd be the one who got in trouble, along with you," he said. Then he walked back towards Akamatsu's office. Once he was inside, Shadow kicked Yusuke.

"You lied to him!"

"I did not!"

"You said nobody got hurt."

"Nobody did get hurt!"

"Well then WHY was there a guy lying on a stretcher with paramedics and an ambulance?"

"What?"

"Yeah. Somebody got severly MAULED thanks to the little riot you started."

"It wasn't on purpose."

"So?! Cops don't care about that! Somebody got hurt, you started it, we were 'accomplices', WE'RE ALL SCREWED!"

"And it's ALL. YOUR. FAULT," Eclipse said, deciding to make him feel even worse than he already did.

"But it was an accident! We were just arguing and then we started fighting and then some other people started fighting, and they didn't even know why they were fighting! They should have just minded their own business!" Yusuke whined.

"But they didn't! You threw the first punch. That one guy got mauled. If he dies, couldn't you be charged with indirect manslaughter or something?!" Shadow looked to Kurama for help.

"We're all still considered juveniles. We wouldn't end up in prison... Well... Not this prison. We'd end up in the juvenile prison," he said.

"Juvie?! I'm not going to juvie! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING," Shadow said. Kurama grabbed her shoulders.

"_Calm down," he said, pinning her against the bars. Eventually, she relaxed a bit and Kurama let go of her shoulders. She instantly grabbed his, got up in his face, and growled, "I. Didn't. Do anything!"_

"This isn't fair!" she continued, pacing.

"I don't see why they couldn't have just arrested Urameshi and left us out of it," Kuwabara said in his oh-so-annoying-and-incredibly-stupid voice. Shadow glared at him.

"The police don't work that way," she said dryly.

"Well they're stupid."

"NO KIDDING?!"

Meanwhile, everybody who could see cell #13 was watching its occupants in disbelief and whispering to their cellmates.

"HIEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shadow screamed at the top of her voice.

Standing restlessly in his boss's office, Hiei heard Shadow screaming and he hid his face, closing his eyes and massaging his temples nervously. He could only hope his boss had bad hearing.

"HIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII JAGANSHI!"

"Hiei... Did you hear that?"

"What?" Hiei looked up, acting innocent, like he hadn't heard.

"HIEI JAAAAGAAAANNNNNNSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"Do you know any of the prisoners? Personally?"

_Oh, shit,_ Hiei thought. _If he finds out I know them, then I probably won't be allowed near them... Because he'd think I was treating them... like friends... Which I would be... Except Kuwabara. Well... Gotta lie._

"No. I don't know how she would know my name, either."

"Well... Go see what she wants."

Hiei nodded and walked out of the office. He ran to cell thirteen and stopped dead, looking at Shadow desperately.

"Are you _trying_ to get me in trouble?!" he asked.

"What? No. Why?" she said cluelessly.

"If I tell that guy that I know you guys then I won't be allowed near you. SO just... don't draw attention to it."

"Oh. Well. I just wanted to ask you... WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH US?!" she cried. Hiei shrugged.

"You don't know?! You work here and you don't know?" Kuwabara said. "A lot of help you are." Shadow kicked him.

"I'm sure they'll tell you. You're juveniles. First offense... You'll probably have a few options..." Hiei said, hoping to cheer them up slightly.

"What? Go to juvie, stay here, pay a fine... Something along those lines?" Eclipse said.

"Well everybody but you has parents who could bail them out."

"Gee. Great. That helps me a lot."

"Hiei!"

Hiei spun around and looked down the hall. Akamatsu was walking towards him.

"What do they want?"

"They... er... want to know when they'll get out."

"Heh. Don't worry kids. You'll probably only have 200 hours of community service to work off. Come on, Hiei. Time for the rounds."

As Hiei walked off, Shadow, Eclipse, and Kurama all melted into little puddles of misery. Kuwabara melted into a puddle of stupidity, and Yusuke stepped on them all.

"Two hundred hours?!" Kurama squeaked. "_Two hundred hours?"_

"What's so bad about that? It's only like... eight and a half days," Kuwabara said. Stupid, as usual.

"Congraulations on correctly dividing 200 by 24 without a calculator, but... We're not gonna be working 24 hours! It'll probably be like... five hours a day. And in THAT CASE... Forty. What... Forty days?" Shadow said. She died. Well, more passed out than died, but... whatever. Kurama caught her, saving her from like... head injuries (not that it'd do much damage... there's nothing in her head to injure).

"Shadow?" Eclipse said, poking her friend's shoulder. She was out cold.

"That's over a month," Kurama said. "A month of community service for doing nothing."

"What kind of community service do you suppose we'll get?"

"We don't even know we'll get community service. We might go to juvie. We might have to go on trial. We might be fined and sued and thrown in a dungeon!" Kuwabara whined.

"I doubt it, but I wonder what _Koenma_ will think of this," Eclipse said, almost threatening them. Yusuke's eyes widened.

"Great."

Meanwhile, walking around the prison, Akamatsu suddenly realized something.

"You _do_ know them! That was the girl who was with you at your job interview!"

Hiei groaned. "Yeah..." _Damn._

They didn't say anything else for a minute.

"So... What will happen to them?" 

"Like I said. Probably community service. How old are they?" Akamatsu asked.

"All but one are fifteen."

"Hm. They can get jobs. Yes... They could either do so many hours of community service, or they could get jobs for a set amount of time. Or, they could simply pay a fine, but that is usually not asked of teenagers."

"Good. Cuz Shadow has no money, and somehow I doubt any of the others would survive it if they told their parents they had to pay a fine..."

"... Doesn't Shadow have parents?"

"No."

"Hm... Then you're her guardian?"

"Not really..."

"Then... who is her guardian?"

"..."

"Anybody below eighteen has to have a legal guardian. If you aren't... She doesn't have one, does she? Then what are you to her?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Whatever you want it to."

Hiei glared at nobody in particular. 

"She's just a friend. I live with her," he finally answered.

"Oh."

_Yeah, you better not say anything else but oh, you loser,_ Hiei thought. He mentally punched himself. _Employer! Hello, can't start hating him. Hate leads to injuries, and injured employer leads to new employer leads to who-knows-what, and who-knows-what could be bad._

Hiei trailed behind Akamatsu all the way back down to his office. On the way, he glanced at cell 13. Shadow and Eclipse were in the back corners glowering. Kuwabara looked stupid, as usual. Kurama looked rather calm, as usual. Yusuke was pacing. As Hiei passed, only Kurama looked at him. The others seemed slightly ticked.

"I heard somewhere," Shadow started dryly once Hiei was out of earshot, "that if you're in prison to long, you start to become bisexual."

This got everybody's attention and she got four shocked stares. She grinned.

"Shadow, even if it is true, first, none of us would be that desperate, second, we're not going to be here that long, and third... If we _are here that long, and we stay with this cell arrangement, we've always got you," Kurama said. Shadow's eyes bulged. Kurama instantly hit himself in the head._

"I'm sorry," he said. "I lost control of Youko for a minute."

"Eeeerrgh," Shadow groaned, shrinking back into the corner. She suddenly lunged at the cell bars. "HEY BOSS WARDEN GUY!"

Back in Akamatsu's office, Hiei flinched when he heard that.

"Boss warden guy? She really needs to learn some respect," the 'boss warden guy' said. "I guess I could take care of them right now." He got up. "Come along, Hiei."

Hiei followed Akamatsu out to cell 13.

"When are you gonna let us out of here?" Shadow asked. "I don't wanna become bi-"

She was cut off by Kurama's hand over her mouth. He gave them the ^_^ look, accompanied by a sweat drop, then hissed, "Shut up about that," to Shadow. Akamatsu looked confused. Hiei looked embarrassed. 

"Ah... Well, I suppose I could take you each one at a time to call home. Your parents will have some say in your punishment," the warden finally said, after Shadow had pried Kurama's hand off her mouth.

"Oh? And what about me?" Shadow asked.

"You... We're going to find you a legal guardian."

"WHAT?! You're kidding."

"No."

"Hiei."

"What?"

"Hiei has to be my legal guardian, then."

"If he agrees and signs all the appropriate papers..."

"He will. Now can we go now?"

Akamatsu took each of the four prisoners out to call their parents. Yusuke and Kuwabara went deaf from the screaming, Kurama was sure his mother had passed out, and Eclipse had called a wrong number. So anyway, the parents were all going to meet with Akamatsu, Hiei, and their children, to decide the wonderful punishment for starting and being involved in a riot.

"And what about me?" Shadow asked. 

"Hiei can decide your punishment, since he seems to be your future legal guardian," Akamatsu answered. Hiei and Shadow's jaw both dropped.

"You're kidding!" Hiei said. "I can't choose her punishment! Aren't you afraid I'll let her off easy?!"

"Not any more afraid than I am that their parents will let them off. Remember, you have to act like a parent, not a friend."

"You're kidding! I've kissed him before! He's not about to become my father!"

Hiei shrunk under the looks his friends gave him.

"It didn't get past a kiss," he snarled. Yusuke and Kuwabara looked disappointed. Kurama just relaxed and looked normal. Eclipse looked like she was about to die.

"YOU KISSED HIM?! I _knew_ there was something going on between you two!"

Shadow and Hiei both died right then and there. Rather... Shadow killed Eclipse and Hiei died of embarrassment.

"Let's stop discussing this, please," Hiei pleaded, covering his face.

"Well, it seems that Hiei _can't_ be your legal guardian. No problem. We can find a new one," Akamatsu said.

"What?! No way! I'll abandon ship before I get shipped off to live with somebody I've never met!"

"Abandon ship?"

"Never mind. Look, we'll worry about this LATER, okay," Hiei begged. "Your parents should be here any second, so... Ah."

Before Hiei could finish his sentence, Shiori Minamino walked in the door. The second she saw Kurama, about 400 emotions mixed in her face. She looked happy and angry at the same time (I know that's only 2, but they were the dominant two). She walked over to her son and hugged him.

"Shuichi... I can't decide whether to be angry or relieved," she said.

"Be relieved," Shadow piped up. "He had nothing to do with it."

Just then, Shizuru and Atsuko arrived. Atsuko slapped Yusuke across the face as soon as she got to him, and Shizuru beat the living [insert obsenity here] out of her brother. (does Kuwa have parents? I don't know, so I just put his sis in.)

"My parents aren't home," Eclipse said. "You can go ahead and start anyway. I'll just take whatever punishment Shadow gets."

"Well," Akamatsu started, "we have a few choices. They could either pay a fine, get a job and work 2 or 300 hours, or do 2 or 300 hours of community service."

"Those are the only choices?" Shizuru asked.

"Yes."

"No juvie?"

"No. This wasn't serious enough for that."

"Oh. Well then my bro will be working 300 hours."

"Yusuke too," Atsuko said.

Instantly, both boys started complaining. They were shut up rather fast by a slap across the face.

"Mrs. Minamino?" Akamatsu prompted. Shiori looked torn. Since she didn't seem to be making up her mind, Kurama made it for her.

"Three hundred hours, same as Yusuke and Kuwabara," he said. His mother gasped.

"Shuichi!"

"I'll be fine, mother," Kurama said quietly.

"And these two aren't slacking off either," Hiei said, grabbing Shadow and Eclipse by their ponytails and pulling. "Three hundred hours for them too."

"What?!"

"Right?!" Hiei asked threateningly. Shadow cowered.

"Yes sir."

"Good. Then it's settled," Akamatsu said happily. Then he turned to the parents/sister. "They'll have to spend the night in prison. Tomorrow we'll call again and you can come pick them up. By then they'll have jobs picked out and everything will be taken care of."

Eventually, they managed to drag Shiori out of the police station while Kurama stood there, embarrassed beyond belief, drowning in sweat drops.

"Hiei," Akamatsu said slyly. Hiei looked at him, not liking the tone in his voice. "I want _you_ to choose their jobs."

"What?!"

"You know them better than I do, so you know better what they're capable of. Don't pick anything too easy."

"But... but..."

"I'll get a list of openings to you as soon as possible, and you'll have to choose from that. Escort the prisoners back to their cell now, please."

Stunned, Hiei led his friend back to cell #13.

"I can't believe _Hiei_ is gonna pick jobs for us," Kuwabara complained, like Hiei wasn't standing right there. 

"I'm glad he is and not some weirdo I've never met," Shadow said.

"You better not pick something really hard for me, shorty! I'll make you go crying to Shadow!" Kuwabara snapped at Hiei.

"First, I don't cry. Second, if, by some overly lucky twist of fate, you ever managed to hurt me, it's natural I'd go to Shadow, since I LIVE WITH HER--"

"And kiss her," Eclipse whispered. Hiei glared.

"So my point is... Shut up and get in the cell, I'll pick whatever job I feel is right for you," Hiei said, smirking. He pushed Kuwabara into the cell and after everybody else was inside, he locked it. He seemed to be getting over the shock of having to pick jobs for his best friends (and Kuwabara), and was seeing the good side of it. He could torture them if he wanted. Maybe he'd make Shadow a secretary. Muwahahahaha.


	4. Jobs Chosen

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Jobs Chosen

"Let's see," Hiei mused to himself. "How best shall I torture my prey..."

He was sitting at a table with his foot on the edge of it, his legs crossed, tipping his chair back, and resting a stack of papers on his legs. Those papers were the job openings that would accept teenagers doing community service jobs. He flipped through them slowly, scanning them for anything interesting. He had already made two stacks: One with possibilities highlighted, and ones with absolutely no chance in hell of assigning his friends (aka prey) those jobs.

"Secretary... Sure. Nurse... Male nurse... Kurama could be a male nurse... Um... _Sanitation officer_...? Oh yeah! Perfect for Kuwabara!" Hiei said, highlighting it in yellow. He dropped that sheet in his "Possibilities" pile and went to the next page. Meanwhile...

"We're doomed!" Kuwabara complained. "Hiei is in some room right now picking our punishments! I dread what I'll end up as."

"Kuwabara, just because he doesn't like you doesn't mean he hates you," Kurama said. Then he blinked. "That didn't make a whole lot of sense..."

"You're not helping, fox," Shadow said. She was sitting in the corner with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. Her forehead rested on her knees.

"Shadow, don't get so down in the dumps!" Yusuke said. "Hiei loves you. He'll pick an easy job for you."

"Go screw yourself," Shadow retorted. "Didn't you hear him earlier? He's the one who decided I'd be in for the same punishment as all you guys. Three hundred frikkin hours. If I had had a choice, I would have pulled it off easy."

"You _will_ have it easy! That's what I'm trying to say! Hiei doesn't want to make you hate him. He doesn't want you to be miserable. He'll let you off easy," Yusuke insisted.

"Nyeh nyeh nyeh. Just shut up Yusuke, you're not making it any better," Eclipse said. They all went back to sulking. Meanwhile...

"Swimsuit model?! Hm... I'd say Kuwabara, but I don't want to destroy the entire population of Earth. I'd rather make them my slaves... It's a possibility for Shadow, though."

Poor Shadow. Hiei really is being evil.

Several hours later, Hiei had narrowed it down to five job choices for each of them. At that point, he went to Cell #13 to talk to his friends.

"Hey guys," he said.

"Have you decided our doom yet?" Shadow asked. Hiei blinked. 

"No. That's why I'm here. I need to talk to you one at a time to help choose which job you each get. Who wants to go first?" he said.

"I will," Yusuke said after a second. Hiei unlocked the cell and Yusuke walked out. After locking the door again, Hiei led Yusuke down the hall.

"Well, now we just have to sit and wait, right?" Kuwabara said.

"Baka! That's what we've _been_ doing for the past several hours!" Eclipse snapped. Kuwabara looked confused. Then he looked surprised.

"Oh yeah, I guess you're right."

"Ugh. Baka."

"Move," Shadow ordered. She was getting sick of sitting in her corner and decided to do something new. Once everybody was out of her way, she carefully flipped over and did a handstand. Everybody stared at her like she was insane. Everybody meaning the people in other cells, too.

"Whatever floats your boat," Kurama muttered, taking Shadow's corner.

"Boat?" Kuwabara said stupidly. "Uh... Okay, whatever."

"It's a figure of speech, baka. Tell me you've never heard it before," Eclipse said.

"I've never heard it before."

"Geez."

"Well you told me to tell you that!"

"For God's sake! Just shut up. We'll all be a lot happier," Shadow said. 

Meanwhile.

"So these five are what I've narrowed it down to," Hiei said, handing Yusuke a sheet of paper.

"Hair stylist, door-to-door salesman, garbage man, McDonald's... burger flipper, and circus lackey? You really do have it in for us. What jobs did you pick for Shadow? Since she's your sweetheart and everything, I'm assuming your picked more appealing jobs?" Yusuke said.

"Shut up, baka. She's not my sweetheart. She's my friend. My closest friend, besides Kurama."

"How close? Do you know each others deeeeepest secrets?"

"No, Yusuke, we do not sit down and have deep profound conversations about our emotions. Now would you choose a job and stop counseling me on my private life?"

"Oh, good. I thought you were gonna say love life. Umm..." Yusuke looked back over the list. "What would a circus lackey do?"

"Circus jobs."

"That tells me a lot."

"You'd probably like... clean up after the animals, clean up after the trainers, fix meals after scooping up crap... And get attacked by a tiger pumped up with angry drugs," Hiei said dryly.

"A tiger pumped up with 'angry drugs'? What the heck?!"

"I don't know. Shadow was watching some lame soap opera once and this guy got attacked by a tiger during a circus where these people had never ever attempted to walk the tight-rope but managed to do it perfectly and had no net, and anyway, so there was this murderer serial killer and pumped this tiger full of drugs and it was gonna eat everybody. It was really stupid. She started throwing things at the screen," Hiei answered. (That really happened on a soap opera, too. It's called "Days of Our Lives" which my mother watches, and it's REALLY STUPID. No offense if you like it, but I don't see how you could.)

"Um... What about hair stylist?"

"Baka! What does it sound like you'd do? Fry eggs?! You'll style hair! Being as you're so obsessive about your precious hair, what with the gel and spray and everything you use on it, I thought you might consider doing that to other peoples' hair. You have to pick one of those five jobs, unless you want to be a male stripper or something."

"How about... no? I'll take that job, I suppose. Styling hair. Woohoo," Yusuke said sarcastically.

"Good." Hiei wrote it down on a sheet of paper. He led Yusuke back to the cell they shared and stopped dead to stare at Shadow. She was still doing a handstand. Her shirt had slipped down... or up... a few inches to expose her back to anybody who wanted to look. And there were quite a few people looking.

"Hey Yusuke!" Kuwabara said loudly. "I see you didn't die! What's your job?"

"_Hair stylist_," he said, disgusted. "It was either that or cleaning up after circus animals."

"Uh oh. I'm even more scared now," the baka said.

"Who will be next?" Hiei finally asked, opening the cell.

"I'll go," Kurama said.

"Good luck," Kuwabara said as the redhead left the cell and followed Hiei down the hall.

Once the two were in the room with the door closed, Hiei walked to the table he'd been sitting at and picked up a sheet of paper.

"It's narrowed down to five. Choose one," he said, handing Kurama the paper. The boy glanced over it then looked up at Hiei.

"Do I sense some favoritism here?" he asked.

"What?"

"It seems Yusuke got job choices that were really lousy. Jobs nobody would really want. But is this just luck or did you pick jobs that fit my personality a bit better than Yusuke?"

"As far as I know, Yusuke was the cause of all of you ending up in jail. He deserved a miserable job. Besides, you're my best friend. Of course there'll be favoritism. But as far as anybody else knows, especially my boss, it was just luck that you ended up with a job you might enjoy," Hiei answered with a smirk. Kurama grinned and looked back at the list.

He had to choose from working at a zoo, in a botany lab, at Sea World (do they have Sea World in Japan? Well if they don't, let's just pretend.), in a flower shop, or helping on a farm. Sure, farm work isn't great fun, but not a whole lot of jobs are. 

"Plants and animals. Plants _or_ animals. Plants. Or. Animals. Um... I have a question. Are we going to have to provide our own transport to these jobs, or will it be some kind of prison carpool thing?" Kurama asked.

"... Beats me. You'd have to ask Akamatsu about that," Hiei said.

"I will, then."

"So, which job?"

"The botany lab... Where is it?"

"Um..." Hiei pulled out a map, scanned over it, and his eyes widened. "Wow, they really want to get rid of you, don't they...?"

"What?"

"Kumamoto. Know where that is?"

"Uh... Yeah. Kyushu. That's more than 400 miles away."

"I take it you don't want that job anymore."

"Not really. What about the flower shop?"

"That's just down the street from where I live. I'm sure you've been there."

"Yeah, plenty of times. I know all the people by their first names."

"Great. Want to work there? You could stay with me if they aren't gonna make you stay in prison overnight."

"Sure. That's fine with me."

"All right then. Let's go," Hiei said. A few minutes later, he was waiting for one of the remaining three to volunteer. Shadow was still doing her handstand. Half her back was still showing. Half the prison was still staring at that patch of bare skin.

"Come on, guys, you're just prolonging your torture," Hiei said.

"Nice way of putting it, Hiei. I'll go," Eclipse said dryly. Hiei flinched. He hadn't been able to find very many jobs to suit Eclipse. Or Shadow, either, for that matter. But he'd tried to pick ones they'd have fun with.

"Okay then."

When Hiei handed Eclipse her job choices, she looked at him funny.

"What?!" he asked.

"Nothing. So... These are my jobs?"

"Pick one."

"Great. Let's see. Cashier, concussion stand at football games--"

"Concession. Can't you read?"

"Not your handwriting."

"... That's printed out of a computer."

"Ack. That bites. Maybe I can't read."

"That's cool. Keep reading."

"... Whatever. Um... newspaper photographer, bowling alley worker, or _dirt bike free stylist_?"

"Yeah. Pick one."

"Dirt bike free stylist!"

"Do you even know how to operate a dirt bike?"

"I can learn."

"Good God. You're gonna die. But hey, you picked it. Now we've got Shadow and Kuwabaka... er... Kuwa_bara_ left," Hiei said. He noticed Eclipse was looking at him funny again. "What?!"

"No, nothing." She paused. "Yes, something. Is there anything going on between you and Shadow?"

"Shut up," Hiei retorted, grabbing her arm and pulling her out the door. He put her back in the cell.

"Which of you two wants to go next?"

"I'm going last. Bye, Kuwa," Shadow said.

"What?! Oh, fine," Kuwabara said miserably, walking out the door Hiei was holding open.

"Shadow, hasn't all the blood rushed to your head yet?" Hiei asked.

"Oh yeah. But I probably won't pass out until I upright myself," she answered.

"Well would you please upright yourself and pass out now so then when I get back with Kuwabara you'll be ready to pick your job?" Hiei asked.

"Oh, fine," Shadow muttered. She balanced on one hand for a second to show off, then her feet went down and she ended up on one knee with one hand on the floor. She looked very cool, until she swayed and collapsed.

"Told you," she mumbled.

"Sure, Shadow. Just let the blood go back to its normal route. I'm sure you'll feel lightheaded for a little while. I'll be back in a couple minutes with Kuwabaka's corpse. Er... I mean... With Kuwabara, of course," Hiei said, walking off. Kuwabara stood there staring at him.

"I told you he's gonna kill me!" he hissed to Yusuke.

"Oh, get real, Kuwa. He's joking," Kurama answered. "Now go get your job. Unless, of course, you'd rather spend several weeks in jail instead."

"Right," the baka said, running after Hiei.

"Your choices," Hiei said promptly as Kuwabara ran into the door. Literally. "Baka. Now pick a job and stop wasting my time."

Kuwabara was sprawled on the floor with swirly eyes from running into the door (Please don't ask how he ran into the door when it was open. You know Kuwabara. He'll find a way.).

"Fine. If you don't want to pick a job, I'll decide for you. Let's see. Kuwabara wants to be... hm... A male stripper," Hiei said, acting like he was going to write it down. In two seconds, Kuwabara was back to normal, stupidity levels higher than ever.

"Yeah, you wish," he said, snatching the paper from Hiei.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, baka," Hiei said. He paused thoughtfully. "Screw that. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that I did hear it, and I'm going to KILL YOU NOW FOR SAYING IT!" He punched Kuwabara in the head. The baka fell over with swirly eyes again.

"I do NOT want to EVER see you strip. It's enough those times you went and took off your shirt during a fight. I had to concentrate hard not to throw up." Hiei shuddered. "Yuck. I can barely stand to think about it."

"Yeah. I was wrong. You want to see Shadow strip," the human said. He got another crack in his skull and was on the floor again.

"I don't want to see anyone strip. Now pick a job, baka, or I'll pick one for you. I'll make you an highway carcass picker," Hiei snapped.

"Okee dokee," Kuwabara said, getting up. "Let's see then. What are my job choices again?"

Hiei sighed. "You're holding the paper, baka."

"Oh! Okay, let's see. Highway patrol aka carcass picker, sewage dude, mailman, burger flipper at McDonald's, or a cross dresser. What the heck?!"

"You know... Being a mailman might challenge your brain a bit too much. Let's see if we can find a replacement option for that," Hiei said, starting to flip through a stack of papers.

"No! Now just because you said that, I'm going to prove to you that I can do it! I'm gonna be a mailman!"

Hiei snickered. "Fine. That's okay with me. Let's go." He led Kuwabara back to the cell. "Okay Shadow. Last but not least."

"Oh yay." She followed him into the room.

"Okay, I had a bit of trouble finding jobs that would fit your personality... That you might be able to do... But I did my best. I tried to find some things you might find fun," Hiei said, handing her a paper. "Pick one."

"Oh yay. At least I get to choose my punishment."

"Try not to think of it as punishment. Think of it as... hm... something to fill up time until you're... uh... free. It's not like we're going to be standing around beating you or anything."

"Yeah. But I bet they'll have prison guards or police with us at all times."

"... I never thought of that. Yeah, most likely you will."

Shadow looked back at her paper. "Junior high assistant soccer coach. Phone operator... Like the person who answers the phone when you dial for the operator?"

"Yeah." Hiei saw Shadow's eyes glint. He smirked. She was starting to be normal again.

"Hm... Airliner pilot? Heh heh. Sports announcer... _swimsuit model_? Perv!"

Hiei smiled innocently.

"Well, once you get enough money from your wonderful job, I'm hoping to get a swimming pool. Then..." Shadow's eyes glinted. She turned back to her list with a smirk on her face. "This is hard."

"What?"

"I'm gonna have a bit of trouble deciding this. Don't you have to have certain papers and pass tests to be an airliner pilot?"

"Uh... Yeah. Wait. I think that's actually an opening for a stewardess."

"_Stewardess_?! The people who wear the short skirts and serve people sleeping pills and peanuts?"

"Yeah. Those people," Hiei said, suppressing a grin.

"So I'm left with soccer coach assistant person, phone operator, or sports announcer. I'm gonna go with the soccer coach."

"You sure?"

"Yeah! I can kick the ball and break some peoples's faces!" Shadow said. Hiei grinned, happy she wasn't miserable anymore.

"Yeah, but try not to get fired for that," he warned.

"What are the others' jobs?"

"Kuwabara's gonna be a mailman, Yusuke's gonna be a hair styler, Kurama is gonna work in that little flower shop down the street from our house, and Eclipse is gonna get killed being a dirt bike free stylist."

"You're kidding! She's gonna die!"

"That's what I told her. She doesn't care."

"She's ignorant."

"Yeah. Well, now that you all have your jobs chosen, I suppose we'll make the arrangements with the job bosses and Akamatsu is gonna call their parents up. You'll just go home with me when I get off my shift."

"Oh yay. When's that again?"

"Five."

"And what time is it now?"

"Around two thirty."

"Marvelous. Two and a half more hours in prison."

"Yeah, but then you get to go home, and hopefully never see this place again. Well, at least not from behind bars."

"Yeah, let's hope."

"Okay, well, I'd better get you back to the cell... I have to tell Akamatsu all this crap... Set up jobs... Transportation... All that stuff."

A few hours later, everything was set, and Yusuke, Kuwabara, Eclipse, and Kurama were back at home. Shadow had another half an hour to wait before Hiei would get off his shift and go home. She was pacing her cell when one of the prisoners across the hall called to her.

"Hey girl!"

She stopped and looked up. "What?"

"What are you?"

"What am I?"

"You heard me."

"Hearing and comprehending are two different things."

"What's with the fire?"

"Fire?"

"Uh, yeah. There's been little sparks of fire every time your feet hit the ground for the past... however long it's been since you started walking back and forth."

Shadow looked at her feet. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well that's interesting." She continued pacing. There were no more little sparks, because she made a point of controlling her thoughts. A few minutes later, Hiei walked down the hall.

"Hey Shadow," he said.

"What's up?"

"He let me off a little early. Let's go," he said.

"Woohoo," Shadow said dryly. Hiei opened the cell and Shadow walked out.

"Why does she get to leave with you?" one prisoner asked.

"Because I am his loyal servant. I bow to him and fulfill his every whim, down to the letter," Shadow said, bowing slightly. "And if I disobey, I get spankings."

The prisoner raised his eyebrows.

"Yup," Shadow said, nodding and smiling. Hiei grabbed her wrist and pulled her down the hall. Once they were in the outer office, where the cops hung out, Hiei turned on her.

"You get _spankings_?! What the heck was that all about?!"

Instantly, the entire office silenced, froze, and everyone stared at him. He stopped and stared over his shoulder at them as Shadow waved and smiled.

"Baka!" Hiei hissed, grabbing her wrist and literally dragging her out the door and down the sidewalk a ways before she regained control and started walking.

"I love embarrassing you, Hiei."

"Well you'd better stop it, because I don't appreciate you, and I'm currently your guardian officer. I pulled a few strings, so to speak," he said. Shadow noticed his Jagan glow slightly. "Akamatsu put me in charge of you. I'm gonna follow you around on your job to make sure you don't get in any trouble, and you have to report to me when you're off, which isn't hard being as we live together. Kurama is going to be living with us for a while until he finishes his job, since he's working in that little flower shop place down the street. Fine with you?"

"What does it matter if it's fine with me? I'm your loyal servant, remember? Not to mention that you're the officer in charge of me. So in every way, you are in charge. Until I get off this stupid community service job. Then I'm back in charge! And we're getting a swimming pool, too. Don't forget about that."

"Whatever."

"Don't whatever me!"

"Whatever."

"AHH! SHUTUP!"

"Ha ha... Whatever."

Shadow tackled Hiei and strangled him.

And so begins their wonderful uh... release-from-prison-but-forced-to-do-some-stupid-jobs. ^_^

~*~*~*~*~*~

Okay, there was some note I was thinking of adding on the end here, but I don't remember, so I'll just cover it all: I don't own anything that is copyrighted that is mentioned in this chapter. If you didn't know, the little "spankings" thing just kinda popped into my head from Monty Python, which I don't own either. Now… I think that's it. Review, feel free to give me any ideas, I'm not used to getting criticism, but if you must, go ahead and give it to me, but try to go about it in a friendly way… ^_^ It'll make me mad otherwise. Like I said already, don't hesitate to give me any ideas. I've used people's ideas in my stories before, and if I think it's good enough, this situation won't be any different. OH! I remembered. In this story, the law system is nothing like what real life's law system is. Well maybe it's more like it than I know, but I have no clue how the police/prison system works, so I'm just making up my own system as I go. I'm the authoress, I can do that if I want. ^_^ It's my story.

REVIEW: SUGGEST, CORRECT (in a friendly way), CRITICIZE (in a VERY friendly way), LINE CHALLENGES, EVERYTHING IS ACCEPTED BY ME! AS I AM THE GREAT ONE WHO ACCEPTS ALL FORMS OF REVIEWS, AS LONG AS MY REVIEW NUMBERS GET BOOSTED UP! ^.~ Until later… ^_^ Bye.


	5. The First Day is Always the Worst

**CHAPTER FIVE**

The First Day is Always the Worst

Hm... Let's see. Who should I monitor first? How about...

Kuwabara!

First day on the job, Kuwabara was escorted to the post office by his assigned police escort officer. He walked in and was given a uniform, which he changed into after one glare from his officer, which plainly said, "Don't mess around, you worthless piece of dust." This guy kind of reminded Kuwabara of Hiei. That's probably why he was assigned to him. Hiei had probably had his hand in this... or his eye... uh... whatever. 

After changing, Kuwabara was given a lecture on proper social behavior, civil duty, and the like. He nearly fell asleep, but somebody kept flicking his ear every time his eyelids drooped. Ever had your ear flicked? It stings. Well, so Kuwabara was lectured, which lasted forever, and he finally got a section of the city assigned to him. He was a walking postal worker since he was assigned an area that was densely housed. 

"Watch out for the Mihashi's house. They've got about two hundred dogs," his lecturer warned. The police officer noticed Kuwabara had been drifting off during that comment, and had purposely not punished him, thinking to let him learn from his stupidity. Usually stupidity isn't something you learn from, but hey, you never know.

Well, Kuwabara walked up the street with his bag of mail hanging from his shoulder, throwing things into mailboxes. His escort officer was across the street a little ways behind him so that it didn't look like he was following him, when Kuwabara came to the Mihashi's house. A little Yorkshire terrier was sitting on the porch. It was a really cute little dog, and Kuwabara had to go past it to get to the mailbox by the door. Well, he walked up the porch steps, barely paying attention to the little furball, put the Mihashi's mail in their box, turned around, and stopped dead. 

The porch was surrounded by dogs of all shapes and sizes. 

"Oh, crap," was all Kuwabara said before a particularly angry-looking Doberman lunged at him. He took off and leapt off the side of the porch, tearing down the street with the dogs on his heels while his escort officer rolled on the ground across the street laughing.

And that was the highlight of Kuwabara's first day.

Yusuke. Yusuke was having great fun. Most hair stylists have some sorts of special scissors and dye and all kinds of lovely things they use to make your hair look like it was done by a professional.

Yusuke's hair styling tools consisted of an endless supply of hair gel and a comb. And hedge trimmers. And lollipops for the little kids who were fortunate enough to keep their heads when he was done with them.

Needless to say, his customers weren't too happy with him.

A little girl came in, probably five or six years old, with bushy brown hair. That really bushy kind of hair that no matter what you try to do with it, it's still poofy.

She left with a mohawk, a lollipop, and a very angry mother.

Some really old dude came in. He had a really ugly comb-over. _Really_ ugly.

He left with... an even uglier comb-over.

Some guy came in with long black hair. Yusuke stared at him, and stared at him, and stared at him some more, trying to figure out why he looked familiar. He couldn't place the guy, so he gave him a gelled-up mohawk and charged a lot of money for it.

As the guy was leaving, he turned to Yusuke and said, "Would you know where I could find a Shuichi Minamino?"

Yusuke blinked, staring at the guy who no longer looked familiar due to the mohawk.

"Sure. He's working in that little flower shop on the edge of the city," he said.

"Thank you," the guy answered. 

"Have a lollipop," Yusuke said, pushing it into the man's hand and spinning him around. He pushed him out the door and waited for his next customer. While waiting, he noticed his escort officer. He noted that his escort officer had nice hair that would probably be easy to do anything he wanted with.

"Need a hair cut?" Yusuke asked him.

"From you?! Yeah, in a million years," the guy answered.

"Damn."

Eclipse Shinomori was having great fun at her job. Her first priority was to get a dirt bike. Her second priority was to learn how to use it and get really good at it in a few hours before her first show.

She was still working on her first priority.

As she and her escort officer stood outside showcase window, looking at dirt bikes, a strange guy dressed in black with a really freaky mohawk walked by. Eclipse stared at him. She stared at him some more. If he didn't have the mohawk, he would have looked kind of familiar. But he did have the mohawk, and that's why she was staring at him. That was a _really freaky_ mohawk. She decided he must have been to see Yusuke, and went back to the bikes.

"I like that one," Eclipse said, pointing to a white-and-blue dirt bike. Her escort officer laughed.

"Do you know _anything_ about dirt bikes?" he asked.

"Nope!" Eclipse chirped happily.

"Let me give you some lessons. You can't pick a bike by looks. You have to examine the mechanics," the guy said. He was obviously a sportsy type. He lectured Eclipse on the finer and finest points of the mechanics of dirt bikes. Finally she quit trying to understand and interrupted him.

"Instead of tutoring me and expecting me to remember, why don't you help me pick out a bike?"

"You would let me do that?"

"... Didn't I just ask you to?"

"I'd love to!"

This guy talked about picking out a dirt bike like it was a religion. Maybe it was his religion. Dirt-bike-ism.

They went about completing priority one. This guy examined every single bike down to the direction the tire treads went. Eclipse slept.

Shadow's first day coaching was... well... violent. Hiei stood on the sidelines while she did a dribbling demonstration to the junior high kids on the team. 

Shadow was a very dangerous coach. She screamed and yelled and coached to death until her voice got hoarse. And remember, she was just the assistant coach! The original coach was so startled, he didn't do any coaching at all.

While Shadow screamed and kicked and dribbled, some guy with a _really freaky_ mohawk walked by. He was on the sidewalk a few feet away from the edge of the field. Hiei noticed this guy and stared. He had a really freaky mohawk, and a lollipop stick hanging out of one side of his mouth. Something about this weird dude was familiar, but Hiei couldn't place it, and his thoughts were quickly directed elsewhere as a stray soccer ball slammed him in the side of the head.

"Oh my God, Hiei! Are you all right?" Shadow yelped, running across the field to him. He sat up, rubbing his head, and looked down the sidewalk, but the freaky-mohawk-guy had already turned a corner and vanished.

"I'm fine," Hiei said.

"Sure you are. Aya! Dribble twenty laps as punishment for hitting Hiei!" Shadow snapped. 

"I think you're over-coaching, Shadow," Hiei said as he watched Aya miserably start around the field with a ball.

"I'm just yelling a lot. I have no idea what I'm doing," Shadow said. With a quick smile, she jogged back out to the team, where the coach had finally gotten enough sense to give some of his own instructions, and the team was playing a mini-game against itself... You know what I mean. Scrimmage. Yeah, I think that's what it's called... (I'm not into sports. I played soccer in 5th grade. I got slammed in the mouth during a game and made a fool of myself crying. That's about all I remember about my experience with soccer.)

Kurama was actually rather enjoying his job. This wasn't exactly just a flower shop, it was kind of like a green house that grew flowers and sold them too. He had just shaken off about ten fangirls with a little help from his escort officer who happened to be doubling as a shield against the aforementioned fangirls. This guy was a perfect shield. He was ugly as all get-out. He was so ugly, all Kurama had to do was position him outside the door, and no fanatics would come near the flower shop. But that was bad for business, since he also scared away everybody else, so Kurama asked the guy to sit in the back and read a newspaper or something (to hide his ugly face).

Anyway, so he had just shaken off these fangirls when some guy with a big mohawk walks in. Well, about two seconds earlier, Kurama's escort officer had stepped outside to have a smoke, so Kurama found it hard to believe anybody had managed to survive all the way past the guy and into the shop, even some guy with a mohawk. A really freaky mohawk. Some guy who looked strangely familiar...

"Hello, Kurama," the guy said. Kurama's jaw dropped. Now he knew where he knew this guy from, and he suddenly wished his escort officer, ugly as he was, was sitting nearby reading the playboy magazine he'd left on his chair when he went out to smoke.

"What the hell are you doing here, Karasu?" Kurama asked. "Haven't you died enough yet?"

"Yes, that's why I don't intend to die this time. I noticed all of your friends around town. Except for that big stupid human, but I suppose that's for the better, since he was so ugly."

Just at that moment, Kuwabara ran by screaming with a pack of angry dogs on his heels. Doberman, Great Dane, Rottweiler, German Shepherd... All the big dogs had stayed close to him. The little dogs, the Dachshunds, Yorkies, and Chihuahuas, were trailing behind, but still barking and slobbering madly.

"You were saying?" Kurama asked, leaning against the counter.

"Yes... So now you're working in a flower shop. It fits. Why?"

"Is that important? Are you going to buy anything or not? Because if you're not, then you're loitering, and I could have you kicked out," Kurama said. He was actually almost calm. Just talking to Karasu made him kind of nervous, but the perv didn't seem to be in a perverted mood at the moment, so Kurama felt a lot safer than he usually did around Karasu.

"I would buy something, if I had money."

"Then have a free flower," Kurama said, pushing a rose up against Karasu's chest. The flower exploded with his energy and tied Karasu up.

"Oh, must you, Kurama? I wasn't harassing you!"

"Yeah, well I feel a lot safer with you tied up. Now, in case you hadn't realized this, a live flower shop is just a giant weapon for me. Now..."

The bell by the door jingled, signaling somebody had opened it. Kurama looked over Karasu's shoulder at the customer, then quickly pushed Karasu behind him and smiled pleasantly (as pleasantly as he could when he was nervous and angry and had a pervert tied up with rose vines so close behind him they were touching).

"Can I help you?" he asked the man who had walked in. The guy was holding a little girl's hand. She looked at Kurama with that suspicious look only little kids can give.

"Yes... I'd like a dozen white roses," the man said.

"Of course. I'll be right out. Just a second," Kurama said. He turned around and pushed Karasu backwards to the door that led to the green house in the back of the shop. Opening the door, he shoved Karasu inside, closed the door, then realized he had to go in there to get the customer's roses, so he turned around and went in too.

"Stay right there," Kurama warned, pointing his finger millimeters away from Karasu's eye. He quickly gathered up a dozen roses, trimmed them up all nice, tied a bow around the stems, and stepped into the outer shop.

"Would you like them in a vase?"

"No thank you. That's fine," the man said. He seemed kind of eager to get his little girl away from the freaky flower shop of doom. Kurama charged the guy, handed him his flowers, and started towards the green house. The little girl spoke up as she was just about to walk out the door.

"Mister, who was that man you had all tied up?"

Kurama had done his best to hide the vines from the customers' sights, but we all know little kids are evil. Somehow they know everything you don't want them to, you know? That's why I hate them.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kurama said nervously.

"That man with the icky hair! He was all tied up!"

"That man is a very bad man, and he deserved it," Kurama said, silently hoping the little kid would just burst into flames. Where was Hiei when he needed him?

"I think you're a bad man, and that's a good man."

Kurama was on the verge of pulling a Shadow on the little kid and trying to eat its heart. Instead, he tried to calm down and explain.

"That man is evil, and he's--"

"I think you're evil. Why do you have to have a police man outside the door then?" the little girl said. That was it.

"SHUT UP, LITTLE KID, BEFORE I PULL OUT YOUR HEART!" Kurama screamed, his aura exploding and plants all through the shop springing to life. The little girl screamed and burst into tears. Her father pulled her out of the shop quickly and they ran down the street.

"God, Kurama, think you lost your temper a bit?"

Kurama spun on Karasu, who was standing in the doorway with his vine-ropes gone. That was a bad move for Karasu, because Kurama was breathing hard from exploding on some little kid, his eyes were practically glowing gold, he was on the verge of going Youko, and that pushed him over the edge.

Poosh.

Youko Kurama appeared. Yeah. Silver hair, gold eyes, white clothes, and sexy body... the works.

"Wow," was all Karasu could say.

"_Wow_?" Youko squeaked. A nearby potted bonsai tree grew a mouth and some teeth and lunged at Karasu, latching onto his throat. Youko couldn't help but laugh as Karasu screamed about demonic evil little trees, and wildly clawed at his throat to get it off. The racket from this, plus the earlier event of the man with the little kid, drew the attention of the ugly cop outside, and the door opened. Youko stopped laughing real fast and pushed Karasu inside the greenhouse, shoving his way in behind him and closing the door. He slid down and sat on the floor with his back against it.

"Hectic first day," he muttered. He heard a whimper and looked up at Karasu. The man was pointing at the tree latched onto his throat and looking at Youko with pleading eyes. The kitsune laughed until he cried.

"Get it off!" Karasu whined. Finally, after regaining his composure and trying hard not to laugh again, Youko pulled his energy from the tree and it turned into a normal tree without a mouth and dropped to the floor.

Then Youko noticed something he felt real stupid for not noticing before. Other than having a mohawk, there was another reason Kurama had had trouble recognizing him.

"Where the hell is your mask? Shouldn't you have blown up by now?"

"Oh yes. Well if you hadn't been so rude when I first came in, I would have gotten around to explaining that. I got a miniature thing installed in my throat in Makai. It does the same thing as the mask did, and leaves my mouth free for... _other_ activities," Karasu said. Youko's eyes widened and he stood up, just as there was a knock on the door.

"You in there Minamino?" came the ugly cop's voice.

"Oh, shoot," Youko whispered under his breath. He transformed back into his human form.

"Yeah. I'm here," Kurama answered.

"Well why don't you get out here? I'm supposed to be watching you, and that's kind of hard when I can't see you."

"No shit, Sherlock," Kurama whispered, so low only Karasu heard him. Karasu laughed. With a sigh, Kurama opened the door and nearly ran into his escort officer, who was standing with his ear to the door. This brought more laughter from Karasu, and the police officer looked at the man curiously.

"Who is that?"

"A sick psychotic stalker who should be locked up in prison," Kurama answered, pushing past the officer and going to a chair behind the counter, where he sat down and started pruning a bonsai, oblivious to he world.

The officer gave Karasu another suspicious look, then walked away, eager to get back to his Playboy.

Finally, practice was over. It had only been three hours. Shadow realized that if she only did this one job, it would take ages to get 300 hours in. She told Hiei her discovery.

"Hiei, if I only do this one job, it's gonna take ages to get in 300 hours," she complained.

"Well, I'm sure we could arrange for you to spend several hours doing this, then go back to prison for the remainder of the work day," he suggested. Shadow would have hit him, but he was already nursing four bumps on his head from stray soccer balls.

She settled for, "Shut up, baka."

Just then, Kuwabara ran past the field, screaming like a maniac, with a pack of wild, slobbering, foaming, barking dogs running behind him. Hiei saw this as a golden opportunity, ran up onto the sidewalk, and stuck his foot out. Kuwabara tripped, went flying and, was promptly covered in a pack of foaming slobbering dogs. They slurped him senseless. It was hilarious to watch, but Shadow pitied the dogs. He had to taste awful (but she wasn't about to prove that theory).

A few minutes later, all the dogs moved on and left Kuwabara lying there covered in slime, mud, and dog hair. Hiei and Shadow laughed until they fell over into the middle of the street and nearly got hit by a semi. Then they confined their laughter to the sidewalk. 

"That was priceless, Kuwabara," Shadow said. "You should do that more often."

"What, trip over Hiei and get attacked by rabid wolves?" Kuwabara asked, standing up, his hair a mess and generally looking like crap (more so than usual, I mean). He started gathering up the mail that had scattered, which he had never got around to delivering because of the dogs. 

"Where's your escort officer?" Hiei asked, still smirking.

"I don't know. I left him behind at that Mihashi place where those creatures came from," Kuwabara said.

"Ah. In that case, I will have to escort you back to 'that Mihashi place', where you will continue your assigned service," Hiei said, sounding quite professional. Shadow quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, Hiei, you sound like you're actually caring about your job!" she said.

"Nah, I just felt like acting strange."

"Uh-huh," Shadow said, realizing that it was a kind of strange thing in itself for Hiei to just randomly act strange because he felt like it. "So what should I do in the meanwhile?"

"Come with me."

"Oh. Okay. That'll work. If I pick up litter along the way, can that count as community service?" Shadow asked. Hiei thought for a minute.

"It works for me. If it's not official, we'll just lie," he answered. Shadow smiled. Kuwabara glared.

"What kind of police officer are you?" he asked. "Not a very honorable one, if you ask me."

"Kuwabara, I am the kind of police officer that isn't a police officer. I'm a _prison guard_," Hiei corrected. "And the only reason I'm out here is because of my Jagan and my concern for Shadow."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kuwabara asked suspiciously as they started down the street.

"It's supposed to mean he isn't a very honorable prison guard either," Shadow said. "He's a dishonest cheater who uses his freaky eye to screw with puny humans's brains. And that's part of the reason he's my best friend. Best guy friend. Eclipse and Hiei are tied as my best friends. Um. The point is, there is no point, so I'll shut up."

"Uhhhhh... Whatever" was all Kuwabara had to say to that.

They walked together for a little while more, with Shadow occasionally walking off to the side to gather up some trash in a black garbage bag she had conveniently been keeping in her pocket, along with a pair of white rubber gloves. 

Hiei turned around and looked up the road, curious about a sound he'd heard. He quickly identified that sound as a dirt bike with two passengers, one of them screaming at the tops of her lungs. And they were speeding. Oh, were they speeding.

Hiei stepped out into the middle of the road far enough ahead of the bike so that it could stop without running into him. And it did stop, about two inches away from slamming into him and sending him flying, but somehow the whole time he had stood there without moving, without showing emotion, like he knew 100% that the bike would stop.

When the passengers pulled off their helmets, Kuwabara saw why he'd been so sure (Shadow had already been fairly sure why, and seeing the passengers only confirmed it). If you haven't guessed, it was Eclipse Shinomori and her escort officer. Her officer had been driving, and she had been hanging onto his waist for dear life. While Eclipse looked rather shaken, the officer looked like he'd just had the most fun in the world.

"Hey, Hiei!" he said. "You got a double assignment?"

"What? No, I'm just taking this baka back to where he SHOULD BE. He's afraid of dogs, so he ran away from them," Hiei said. "He's supposed to be delivering mail back up around the Mihashi's place."

"No prob. I can take him," the officer said. "That is, if you don't mind watching Eclipse. I'm sure she'll behave. She's kinda stunned from shooting down the road at 120 mph." The officer turned to Kuwabara. "Take Eclipse's helmet and hop on, kid."

When the bike shot down the road and out of sight around a turn, Shadow turned to Eclipse.

"That's your escort officer?"

"Uh-huh."

"Man, he seems a lot cooler than Hiei," Shadow said, glancing at Hiei to see his reaction. He glared at her and she hugged him. "I'm kidding, Hiei. But he did seem cool."

"His name is Taikan Otaka. He's like... 22 years old," Hiei replied. "He's kinda strange."

"He's obsessed with dirt bikes," Eclipse said. 

"At least you'll have somebody who can help you with your job. Hiei here just stands on the sidelines and provides a nice target for the soccer balls."

"I'm not supposed to help, I'm supposed to be guarding you," Hiei said coldly. 

"Oh, whatever," Shadow said. "So what now?"

"Now, we both go home," he said. "And Eclipse stands here and waits for Otaka to get back. Kapeesh?" (Don't care if that's spelled right. It looks like it sounds, and that's good enough for me.)

"Kapeesh! Okey-dokey!" Shadow said, skipping down the street happily. Hiei walked after her, staring like she was nuts.

On the way home, they passed the flower shop and decided to step in and visit Kurama. They walked in the door and saw Kurama, his escort officer in the back drooling over Playboy, and, looking around, they saw Karasu sitting in a corner tied to a chair with green ropes (which were really vines of some sort).

"Kurama, what the heck is he doing here?" Shadow asked, startled.

"Wait... THAT'S why that guy with a mohawk looked familiar! It was you!" Hiei said. "Where's your mohawk?"

"Kurama made me get rid of it," Karasu said. "I don't mind. If Kurama likes it..."

Kurama shuddered. "He was scaring away the customers, so I tied him up."

"Not to mention how much he was scaring _you_," Shadow teased.

"That too. So why are you guys here?" Kurama said, changing the subject.

"Well, being a soccer coach, Shadow doesn't have a full day to work, so we dropped by here on the way home. I only have to work as long as my subject does, since I got re-assigned, so I'm headed home too," Hiei said.

"Ah."

"Can I come with you?" Karasu asked.

"No!" all three answered at the same time.

"I'm not letting some freak like you into my house! Especially while Kurama is staying with me!" Shadow snapped. Hiei and Kurama both turned and stared at her, wide-eyed and angry. She realized what she had said and slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Forgive me, my Lords," she said, bowing. Then she turned and glared at Karasu. "You DID NOT HEAR THAT."

"Yes I did."

"Uh... No. You didn't."

"Yes I did! I have ears. I can hear quite well," Karasu said. 

Shadow stalked over and stood in front of him. She was dressed in a black tank top and short black shorts from soccer. Her legs were covered in dirt from scrimmaging and falling, and her hair was a mess. In one hand she held a single soccer shoe (I think they're called cleats. They have the little stubs on the bottom...), which she held up threateningly. That, along with the evil furious glare she had on her face, made her look really, quite dangerous. Hiei even thought she looked like somebody he wouldn't want to mess with (woman's wrath. Girls are more dangerous than guys when they're ticked off), even though he could only see her back.

"**You didn't hear it, okay, Karasu?**" she said coldly. Karasu stared at the dirty muddy shoe.

"Okay," he said in a little voice.

"Thank you!" Shadow chirped. She walked back to Hiei and Kurama. "He didn't hear me. You're safe, Kurama."

"No thanks to you in the first place," he said.

"Let's get out of here. I need a shower," Shadow said, ignoring him.

"Yeah, you smell awful," Hiei said. Shadow thumped him in the back of the head with her shoe.

"Shut up, short stuff! I'm a soccer coach you know!"

"Yeah, whatever," Hiei muttered. She aimed to hit him again, but he caught her shoe. "Let's go. See you later, Kurama."

And with that, Shadow was dragged out of the flower shop and up the street, into her house, and up to the bathroom down the hall from her room, where Hiei reached for the doorknob, but Shadow screamed bloody murder to stop him.

"NO! DON'T OPEN THAT!" she screamed.

"Why not? You got tampons lying around?"

Hiei received a kick in the head.

"No! There's a trio of singing shoes in there! They'll sing me to death!"

"Uh... Whatever," Hiei said, turning the knob.

"NOOO!" Shadow screamed. Too late. Hiei opened the door, and the two fire demons were sent flying backwards from pure force of sound waves.

"RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE THE ONE! YOU MAKE BATH TIME SO MUCH FUN!"

"CLOSE THE DOOR!" Shadow screamed.

"I CAN'T GET UP!" Hiei replied.

The shoes continued to sing.

"I HAVE A SAD STORY TO TELL YOU. IT MAY HURT YOUR FEELINGS A BIT. LAST NIGHT I WENT INTO MY BATHROOM, AND STEPPED IN A BIG PILE OF _SHAVING CREAM_, BE NICE AND CLEAN, SHAVE EVERY DAY AND YOU'LL ALWAYS LOOK KEEN!"

"CLOSE. THE. DOOR!!!" Shadow screamed.

"YOU! THEY'RE YOUR SHOES!" Hiei retorted.

"NO THEY AREN'T! THEY MOVED IN!"

"WHAT?"

"THEY MOVED IN! ONE DAY I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM, AND THEY WERE THERE, AND THEY HAD BUILT A SHOEBOX AND EVERYTHING!"

"OH. CLOSE THE DOOR!"

"SHUT UP, HIEI! YOU'RE STRONGER! YOU DO IT!"

Finally, several hours later...

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT AWFUL SINGING?"

Shadow and Hiei looked to see Kurama walking down the hall.

"THE TRIO OF SHOES!" Shadow screamed.

"WELL SHUT THE DOOR!"

"WE CAN'T!"

Kurama sighed, walked over, and shut the door, cutting off the shoes' recital of, "Singing in the Bathtub." An almost-scary silence settled over the second floor.

"Wow. I can hear myself thinking!" Shadow said, standing up. "I haven't been able to do that for hours."

"I can't hear anything, let alone my thoughts," Hiei muttered. He stalked away.

"I think you should get rid of those shoes," Kurama suggested before walking down the hall to his own room.

And so went the first day of jobs. Kuwabara did end up getting all his mail delivered. Yusuke ended up getting yelled at by his boss and had to do something other than gelling up hair after he spiked some old lady's hair so it looked like a pin cushion. That's all.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs that those shoes were singing. Yes, that one about shaving cream is a real song. It's called "Shaving Cream." I heard it on a Dr. Demento CD. 

In case you're wondering, yes, I will update the Bishounen Abduction story... It's been what, a week or two? I've been working on this story... But I will update it... Once again, if you have any suggestions or challenges, I'll take them. Now, I'm gonna reply to all you reviewers of the last chapter, cuz I think I had something to say to a few of you. 

Draikitha: Thanks. 

SilverFoxYuka: Yes, I know. I'm so brilliant, it should be illegal. ^_^

Madame Arrow Foxfire: I'll try to put them in there, but this story isn't really about them. They might just be in there for a couple lines or something... And thanks for the suggestions. I actually hadn't thought about those, but I'm gonna use them. ^_^

blue fox demon: I updated soon. Okay?

chocogurl: Yes, perverted thoughts. I actually had perverted thoughts in mind when I wrote that, I think. ^_^;; And I'll try to get Youko in... Wait. He was in this chapter. For a brief second. Well, I'll try to fit him in some more. ^_^

Celebrindae: No, I'm not gonna erase any memories... And maybe Youko will get jealous... And I know Hiei is 4' 10", but I make him a bit taller, cuz I think it'd be miserable to be that short. Kinda midgety, ya know? Besides, his hair has to be several inches high, y'know? ^_^

sansay: I don't wanna make this a crossover story, but I might put them in just as backdrop. 

Riyo Shiban: Yes, definitely more chapters are coming. Thanks for reading. And liking... Uh... whatever. ^_^

Kawaii ningen kitsune: Um... Thanks for reading?

And thanks to everyone else who has reviewed! I have 38 reviews on this story. My bishie story has 58. That's the highest number I have so far. Thank you! Review! Or die!


	6. Fired

**I UPDATE! MIRACLES _DO_ OCCUR!!! **

Before this chapter, this story was last updated: **2-21-04**

This chapter was posted: **3-31-04**

Anyway, I think I'll respond to all y'alls' reviewses now.

**Celebrindae-** Well, it was a heck of a lot longer than a week this time… And I think I should draw Karasu with a Mohawk… That'd be good.

**Madame Arrow Foxfire-** Thanks for the suggestions. All are possibilities, except the Shadow meat cleaver thing… Just read the chapter.

**nutari- **Thank you for waiting, and yes I did get major super writing block on this chapter… Hopefully you didn't give up hope on me… Move on with your life… *sob*

**blue fox demon-** I'm so sorry I didn't update for over a month!!! I'm ashamed. And this chapter is even short… I don't feel like I'm carrying in my authorly duties with this story too well.

**chocogurl-** Read on to find out about Karasu… and Youko will probably be in some more later. Muwaha.

**Kawaii ningen kitsune-** What's up with Karasu, you ask? Well, he likes to harass Kurama. Purely because it's EVIL. Muwahahahahaha…

**Hikari-** I'm sticking with Hiei, don't worry. I'm just going to torture Kurama a bit in this story, y'know? Don't worry, no physical harm…

**Shishou Youkai-** Once again, I say I'm ashamed of myself… It took me a month to update! With a short chapter! It's SHORT! It's horrible! I'm so ashamed! *breaks down and cries. Hiei has to come comfort her before she can proceed to the next review*

**Wizardess Gal-** Buwahahahaha… Well, Kuwabara isn't in this chapter much… So you can't laugh at his misfortune. I know. How awful.

**Yayo-** Little sisters are so annoying. I should know. I _am_ one. I just live to annoy my older sister… And I'm safe. I have no younger siblings. Bwahahaha… Nobody to steal my job away from me! Yay! Anyway, this chapter isn't particularly funny, in my opinion… A month of writer's block is hell.

**Robin Autumn-** Yeah, I will as soon as the guards release me from The Writer's Block.

**Draikitha-** I'm glad.

**Mari Youma-** Yes, Eclipse likes blue. You ride dirt bike? That's cool. I really don't know the first thing about it, except it looks extremely painful to wreck.

**Demon Ashika-** Well, does updating after a month really count? I can't believe it's been a month! *sob* It's awful! *breaks down crying again and is dragged off by a slightly irked Hiei*

**Woo! Fourteen reviews. Maybe waiting a month is a good thing sometimes. But not very often. I'll try not to do that any more…**

**CHAPTER SIX**

Fired

"You got fired!?" Hiei said in disbelief. "What the heck are you doing getting fired? What did you do?!"

"Nothing!" Yusuke whined. "I just cut some guy's hair!"

"Oh," Hiei said as if that explained everything. He glanced back at the soccer field where Shadow was practicing with the team.

Yusuke had come wandering by with his police escort on the way back to the police station. It was the third day of work, and he was already fired. Hiei sighed.

"Man, just... You're gonna have to hang out in prison until they get you another job, you know," Hiei said.

"I am?!"

"Uh-huh."

"FORE!" Shadow screamed. A soccer ball flew towards Hiei's head. He ducked, and it slammed into Yusuke's head. He fell over and got dragged back to the police station by his escort. 

"What was Yusuke doing here?" Shadow asked, trotting over to Hiei.

"He got fired."

"Did he seriously?!"

"Yup."

"Dude... That sucks."

"Uh... yeah."

"So, what's he gonna do now?"

"I don't know, but I have to cut your day short and go find out."

"No problem," Shadow said. "Soccer is getting redundant anyway. You've probably lost a few IQ points from all the times you got hit. And while we're checking on Yusuke, we can see about me getting a new job, right? Cuz according to them, the upcoming game is the last meet they have after this..."

"Fine."

So, they walked to the prison. Once they got inside, Hiei reported to Akamatsu. Shadow had to stay outside, since she wasn't a worker of any sort. 

After the prisoners were 100% sure that Hiei was in the office and not coming out, one of them called, "Hey, babe! Come over here!"

Shadow realized she was still in her soccer clothes: Short shorts and a tank top. She glared at the prisoner who had spoken.

"The only reason I would come near you, fag, would be to pummel your brains in. If you have any brains in the first place, that is."

Several men whistled. Shadow sighed. Psychos.

"I thought men who stayed in prison too long were supposed to become GAY!"

A silence fell over the prison. It was a bit disturbing.

"Sometimes," one man offered. "But a pretty girl is still a welcome sight."

Shadow growled. "Fuck you."

"Would you please?" just about every man said simultaneously. Shadow's eyes widened.

"NO," she said coldly. She silently pleaded that Hiei would come back out soon.

"Why not?" one guy said.

"Because I'm TAKEN."

They all looked miserable.

"By who?" one guy ventured. Just then, Hiei stepped out of Akamatsu's office, and all eyes fell on him. He felt slightly nervous.

"What?" he said.

"_Him_?" somebody said.

"Me what?"

"They want to fuck me so I told them I'm taken and they think I'm talking about you," Shadow said. Hiei quirked an eyebrow.

"Ah... Well if you're not talking about me, who would you be talking about?"

"I dunno."

"Nobody informed me we were together..."

Somebody cleared their throat. Hiei and Shadow looked up at Akamatsu.

"Would you mind having this conversation elsewhere? I like my office door **closed_._** Hiei, I trust you can take care of her and Urameshi?"

"Yes sir."

"Take care of me? Does that mean I'm getting another job?!"

"Yeah." Hiei started down the hall.

"Yes!"

"Yes, isn't it wonderful?"

"Yes!"

"Yusuke, I have to get you another job," Hiei said as they stopped outside a cell. Yusuke was inside twiddling his thumbs. 

"And me!" Shadow chirped.

"Fine. You and Shadow."

"Yay!"

"Why Shadow?" Yusuke asked.

"Because soccer season is over soon..."

"Yay!"

"...So she has to get another job..."

"Yay!"

"...unless she wants to not work until next season."

"Blah."

"Okay... Well then... Get me out of here," Yusuke said. Hiei opened the cell and led Yusuke and Shadow into the room they'd been in last time when they chose their jobs.

"These are your choices, once again," Hiei said, handing each a sheet of paper. "Pick a new one. You know the drill."

"PHONE OPERATOR!!!" Shadow cheered instantly. Hiei and Yusuke looked at her incredulously.

"Are you serious?" Hiei asked. Shadow nodded until her head threatened to pop off her neck and Yusuke had to grab her face to make her stop.

"Yusuke?" Hiei prompted, scribbling down Shadow's job choice on a sheet of paper.

"Well... Door-to-door salesman?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Shadow screamed, making a cross with her fingers and jumping back ten feet to hide in the corner.

"Well my other choices are things like burger flipper and circus crap cleaner!"

"What the heck would a circus crap cleaner do?"

"**Clean crap**," Hiei and Yusuke said in unison.

"You can't clean crap! That's gross!"

"Clean **up** crap, if you're so particular about my grammar," Yusuke said dryly.

"So, Yusuke is going to sell crappy products to gullible fools, and Shadow is going to talk to people over the phone."

"Yup," the two teens said.

"Okee Dokee..." Hiei mumbled.

Kurama sighed. He glanced across the shop to Karasu. The boy had been able to feel that lunatic's purple gaze on him all... friggin... day...

And frankly, it was quite annoying.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Kurama snapped suddenly, startling his gaurd, Karasu, and some old lady browsing through the flowers.

"No," Karasu answered shortly.

"Well find something!"

"Nah... I could stare at you all day, Kurama."

Kurama shuddered. "That doesn't mean you have to."

"Well I have nothing better to do."

"Go harass somebody else."

"But nobody else holds the same charm as you do to me, Kurama."

"Are you hitting on him?!" Kurama's gaurd asked suddenly.

"Perhaps," Karasu answered. The gaurd shuddered and got up.

"I'll be outside," he said, strolling out.

Karasu chuckled.

"Look, Karasu, I'm sure to people of your sexual orientation, you're attractive, but to me, a normal, straight teenager, I'm more attracted to girls. Now if you don't mind, could you get out of the shop, please?" Kurama said.

"What did you mean about my sexual orientation?" Karasu asked, looking hurt.

"You're gay!"

"So?"

"I'm straight!"

"Kurama, you hurt my feelings..." And he truly looked hurt, too. Kurama glared.

"I'm _not_ going to feel bad for you. I've made that mistake so many times, it's not even funny."

"It's not a mistake to have emotions..." By now, Karasu had traveled clear across the shop and was standing on the opposite side of the counter from Kurama.

"It can be."

"But that's one thing that's so attractive about you... Aside from your unnatural beauty and gentle--"

"Karasu!" Kurama hissed under his breath, nodding his head in the direction of the old lady. Karasu looked at her and blushed slightly. She was staring at them.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Can I help you?" Kurama asked the lady. She just kept staring, then hurried out. Kurama rounded on Karasu. "Bakayarou!"

"Can I continue now?"

And Kurama fell over, just as Kuwabara ran by outside screaming with a pack of dogs at his heels.


	7. How Odd

Wow. It took me a month to get out chapter six, then I go and finish chapter seven like… a week afterwards. Or was it even that long? Yup. It's been less than a week. Amazing, don't you think?

kaida13- Everybody hates Karasu. *sob* I bet he feels unloved… Then again… WHO CARES? *is strangled by Karasu* And I don't think Yusuke's going to be fed to the weasels… Not in this chapter, at least.

Wizardess Gal- Interesting… Sounds like fun. Sounds like something I'd do if I didn't hate everyone in my school.

Madame Arrow Foxfire- Heh heh. Yeah. He's really normal. Not. *Is strangled by Kurama* Damn, I'm getting strangled a lot…

Mari Youma- Sounds like… not a whole lotta fun. *squirming while imagining a lot of worse things than breaking knees* Yuck.

chocogurl- Well, read on and you'll find out how she does. She does just marvelous, if you ask me. Note the sarcasm.

Short On Oxygen- Yeah, I have a picture of her. It's posted on myotaku (.com) under the screen name Shadow Jaganshi… It's not really all that great. She's dressed really strange… Heh heh.

Demon Ashika- Well, whaddaya know. I "uppy-dated." ^_^ Marvelous, don't you think?

Zooom! Guess what! I got Poltergeist Report! It's cool! I'm happy! It's funny to watch it in Japanese. Kurama has a girl voice actor. But after a while it actually doesn't sound very strange. And Hiei doesn't sound... well… At first I thought he didn't sound _as_ evil, then I thought he sounded _more_ evil… This is the Japanese voices I'm talking about. I decided that since they cussed so much that it made my mother think it was rated R (it's suggested 16 and older) that I'll just have to watch it in Japanese. So you know what? I will. Hmph! I'll just READ the cuss words that Kuwabara says in every sentence he speaks throughout the entire movie, dammit! He's too stupid to say anything else. *is strangled by Kuwabara but he's so weak it doesn't effect her* Onward! *hits Kuwabara with a frying pan repeatedly*

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

How odd

"Operator."

"Could you connect me to the Girl Scouts' Company?"

"Girl Scouts? You don't want to talk to them. They're raving lunatics. Once, they kidnapped my best friend and were gonna put him into cookies because he didn't want to buy anything from them. Please do not further insult me. Never mention the Girl Scouts again in my presence. Consult the yellow pages if it's so important."

Click.

"What the hell was that, Shadow?!"

"What?"

"You're supposed to do what they ask, not hang up on them!"

"Nah, they don't know what they're talking about. They don't want to talk to Girl Scouts. Girl Scouts aren't worth anyone's time."

"If you don't do your job right, then I'm afraid I'll have to report it to Akamatsu, and you'll end up in prison. If I don't report it, somebody else will."

"You wouldn't do that, Hiei! I'm your lackey, remember? You don't want a rebellion on your hands, do you?"

"You're not my lackey, Shadow."

"You have a job. A _real_ job. You're prime ruler, right?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

Buzz.

"Operator."

"Could you connect me with Dell headquarters?"

"Uh... Yeah."

Frantic pushing of buttons and flipping of switches.

"You connected yet?"

No reply.

Click.

"Well, he'd better be, cuz I just hung up."

"Oh, God, Shadow..."

~Ding dong...~

"Hello, Ma'am! It's a nice day for a deal, don't you think?"

"Look, kid. The last crap I bought from a door to door salesman broke before I even looked at it. You're a cute kid and all, but I ain't got the money to waste on worthless crap."

Slam.

"_Cute_...? Some fat lady in a bath robe just called me cute..."

Trudging down the street...

At the next door.

~Ding Dong~

"Hello, Sir! It's a nice day for a deal, don't you think?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NO I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR COOKIES!!!"

**SLAM!**

"But Sir! I'm not even selling cookies!"

Baka post officer shows up... Delivering letters... How fun...

"What's this, Urameshi? I thought you were a hair stylist!"

"Kuwabara? What the heck are you doing?"

"I'm delivering mail."

Sound of mail slot on door opening.

"OW!"

"What's the deal? The mail won't go in!"

"Baka! That guy is watching through the mail slot and you just stuck an envelope in his face!"

"Owie..."

Angry guards ganging up on baka children hanging outside some lunatic's door.

"Okay, kids, why don't you get around to doing your jobs..."

"Yes, Sir."

The baka postal worker opened the mailbox.

"Let's see... The Soma family has... Fourteen overdue telephone bill notices... Three phone bills... Sixteen… What was that?"

Scuffle scuffle.

"Hmmm?"

Two seconds later, the baka postal worker has a rabid squirrel latched onto his face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

~Jingle~

"Hello, Kurama!"

"Augh... Karasu, can't I go one day without seeing you?"

"Nope!"

And the sound of a certain redhead banging his head off the counter echoed through the shop.

Revv, revv, revv...

"Okay Eclipse, now stop revving the engine and try going somewhere!"

"Okay..."

Zoom! CRASH!

As you can see, this whole 'working' deal isn't working too well.

But it shall continue! For insanity is good!

"Hiei, I have to go somewhere!" Shadow called into the living room as she pulled on her boots.

"Where?"

"The monastery."

"The where?"

"I dunno. Do we even have a monastery in this city?"

"... I don't think so."

"Then I'm going to the shrine. Wherever it is they have monks," Shadow said. Hiei looked at her sideways.

"Why?"

"No reason."

And with that, Shadow walked out the door and jumped over the porch railing (even though the steps down to the ground are in a straight line from the door, she made a detour to the left so she could jump over the railing).

"No reason? Yeah right, you've got to have a reason, and you're not leaving me behind until you tell me what it is," Hiei said, appearing next to her.

"Hiei, you're my guard during the day. This is after my work hours! I'm allowed to enjoy myself!" She took off running.

"YOU'RE GOING TO THE SHRINE TO _ENJOY YOURSELF?_ THAT'S NOT WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE FOR, YOU KNOW!"

"Well fine!" Shadow snapped, stomping back to where Hiei stood. "If you must know, I went there a couple days ago and had sex with a monk, and now I'm going back for a second round."

Hiei moved his mouth soundlessly for a second before he managed to make noise.

"No you didn't."

"You're right. I didn't."

"I knew it!"

"I know you knew I knew you knew."

"Did you ever notice that 'know' is 'wonk' backwards?" Hiei said. Shadow stared at Hiei, amazed he'd pointed out something stupid and random that she'd never noticed.

"Well 'how' is just 'who' rearranged!" Shadow countered. "Or... is 'who' just 'how' rearranged?"

"Racecar is the same forwards as backwards."

Shadow paused. "What the hell is 'wonk'?!"

Hiei blinked. "Beats me."

"Well why would somebody turn it backwards and make it 'know'?!"

"I dunno."

"What the heck is 'wonk'?!"

Hiei stared at Shadow blankly. "You already asked that."

"Well dear God! When I start repeating my questions that means they're important! Must go to shrine and seek answers to questions!" With that, Shadow tore down the street, Hiei close behind yelling at her.

"Monk, we seek an answer," Shadow said, kneeling in front of a monk whom she had carefully chosen out of all the cloaked and hooded figures in the shrine.

"What is it, my child?" the monk said.

"Err... Could we talk to you in private?" Shadow said, glancing around.

"Of course." The monk lead Shadow and Hiei into a separate room. "Now, what is it you ask?"

"What is 'wonk'?"

"'Tis 'know,' only backwards," the monk answered, taking off his hood. He was young and a sparkle of mischief lit up his eyes. He didn't look much like a monk type of character. Hiei looked at him suspiciously.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not a real monk?"

"Probably because I'm not," the monk answered. "But Shadow-chan is a friend and I speak to her often."

"You do not. I just met you yesterday..." Shadow said.

"We learned a lot in a short amount of time," the monk said. Hiei quirked an eyebrow.

"When did you find the time to come visit some monk?" he asked Shadow. She shrugged.

"I didn't visit a monk. He's not a monk. This is the older brother of one of the girls on the soccer team I coached for a little while."

"I have cleansed young Shadow of her sins and in doing so, have added to the list of sins I have committed over the years..."

"... Shadow, you _were_ lying when you said you had sex with a monk, weren't you?" Hiei said, worried.

"He's _not_ a monk!"

"So you could have had sex with him and it technically wouldn't have been a lie if you'd told me that you didn't have sex with a monk."

A scream echoed down the street and Shadow glanced out the window as Kuwabara ran by on the street below, desperately clawing at a squirrel on his face, followed by a pack of dogs.

"That's true, but I didn't have sex with anyone, Hiei. I was being sarcastic," Shadow assured him. Then she added seductively, "If I wanted to have sex with anyone, I would be trying harder to get _you_, sexy beast."

Hiei's eye twitched slightly. The monk... er... false monk... cleared his throat.

"You came seeking answers... Did you get them?"

"No. What is 'wonk,' wise monk?" Shadow asked.

"'Wonk' is 'know' backwards. If you change one letter, 'tis 'monk.' Anyone who speaks slang fluently may think of 'wonk' as sex or something related. Have your questions been answered, young Shadow?"

"Yes. Close enough to pass."

"Have _your_ questions been answered, Little One?" the monk asked Hiei.

"_Little One?_" Hiei said coldly. "No. My question has not been answered."

"Then speak your question and I shall do everything in my power to give a satisfactory answer."

Kuwabara ran back the other way, screaming and still clawing at his squirrel-face.

"Why is Kuwabara such an idiot? Bet you can't answer that one."

"Kuwabara is an idiot because he was born that way, humans are stupid, and his sister has killed all his brain cells."

"That's a good answer, but I think there's more to it," Hiei said.

"I have another question!" Shadow chirped.

"Yes, Young One?"

"How do you know everything?"

"I am a monk. God has blessed me with grand intelligence and..."

"But you're not a monk," Hiei interrupted.

"Do you have a crystal ball?" Shadow asked suspiciously.

"Yes, of course," the guy answered sarcastically.

"Can I see your crystal ball?" Shadow asked (meaning it in the perverted way.)

"You can, as long as you have working eyes, but you **may** not." (knowing she meant it pervertedly)

"Damn," Shadow cursed. She turned to Hiei. "Can I see _your_ crystal balls?"

And Hiei fell over right then and there, out cold in a dead faint. Yes, he knew she meant it that way too.

"Oops. Well, I'd better drag him home."

"No need. I know how to wake him. Kneel beside him and give me your hand," the monk said quietly. Shadow, not really sure what was going on, obeyed, and the monk put her hand right on Hiei's... well... below his waist. Shadow yelped and pulled her hand away instantly and Hiei was up in a flash.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

"Shadow-chan was going to take advantage of your incapacitated state," the non-monk said, smirking. Shadow glared up at him, then realized that since she was still on her knees, she was right at *that* level. She quickly stood up.

"Okay, this chapter has had too much superfluous pervertedicity, okay? Let's cut it out."

Many nods of agreement. Authoress hides in a hole for several hours in shame, but does not remove the pervertedness because it came out of her head and if she deletes it she will be at a loss for what to write, and will be forced to kick herself with steel-toed boots. Which would hurt.

Suddenly, since the authoress is sick of the perverted scaryness coming out of her mind (aka: Crystal Balls and "wonk"), the shrine, the false monk, and everything around Hiei and Shadow vanishes, being replaced by Shadow's room.

"Okay, now we're in my room... I'm tired. I worked hard today. Hiei, unless you want to sleep with me, get out of my room. I'm going to bed," Shadow said, doing a belly flop onto her bed and falling asleep the instant her door clicked shut behind Hiei.

The next day, Eclipse had her first big dirt bike tournament, and everybody took off the day to watch her crash and burn. Er... How negative of me...

"Next is young Eclipse Shinomori! Here she comes..." the announcer said. Shadow and the others watched Eclipse zoom by on her bike, going towards the first jump. She hit it and went up, and up, and up, doing some strange stunts in the air, before hitting the ground and crashing her bike.

"And there she goes!" the announcer finished.

Eclipse walked off the course in shame.

"Aw, you did fine!" Shadow said later that day as her friend moped around the house.

"Nah... Hiei, do you think I could pick another job...? I don't think freestyle is right for me... I have no talent... I'm a talentless idiot..." Eclipse said.

"BAKAYAROU, STOP MOPING! DO YOU SEE ME MOPING?! I'M AN IDIOT, BUT DO I WALLOW IN SLEF-PITY BECAUSE OF IT? NO! BECAUSE NOT ONLY AM I HALF-BREED FIRE DEMON, BUT I'M PART MARY SUE AS WELL! IT MAY BE SCARY, BUT OVER THE... er... some number of stories... THAT'S HOW IT SEEMS! SOMEBODY POINTED IT OUT TO THE ALL-MIGHTY AUTHORESS SOMEWHERE, AND IT WAS NOT INTENDED AS AN INSULT AND THE ALL-MIGHTY AUTHORESS DID NOT TAKE IT THAT WAY, BUT NOT SHE NOTICES THAT I SEEM TO BE SLIGHTLY MARY SUE-ISH!!! BUT I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE, BECAUSE CHANGE IS BAD!!!"

"JEEZ, YOU THINK YOU YELL LOUD ENOUGH?!" Eclipse screamed from down the hall where Shadow's voice waves had blown her.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

"Good lord," Hiei muttered. He grabbed his dinner plate and shattered it over Shadow's head.

"Ow," Shadow squeaked. She fell flat on her face.

"Well, that wasn't Mary Sue-ish," Hiei said absently. Shadow groaned.

"So what about getting me another job, Hiei?" Eclipse asked as she walked up the hall towards the two fire demons.

"I'm sure it could be arranged... I mean, Kurama's the only one we haven't had to relocate yet... Kuwabara doesn't count. His job wasn't all that challenging in the first place."

"Neither is selling flowers," Shadow pointed out.

"Yeah, but poor Kurama has to put up with Karasu all day. He's being stalked," Hiei said. Shadow and Eclipse shuddered.

"Stalking people is fun," Shadow said happily. "I saw a shirt once that said, 'Are you stalking me? Cause that'd be super.'"

Hiei let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Eclipse, tomorrow we'll talk to Akamatsu. You know, he's gonna get pissed about all these job changes. It's supposed to be a punishment, but you all are just changing jobs whenever you get sick of the one you're at..."

"That's not true! I stopped when soccer season was over, Yusuke got fired, and if Eclispe continues being a freestylist, she'll get fired too. So HA. You're wrong, I'm right, you're wrong, I'm right, you're rong, I'm... rite...? I can't spel. Ah! Dam! Ah! Stopp iit! AHHHHH! Hay, Eye speled 'ahhhh' write. Wel whut do ewe ekspect at 1:39 AM on a Fry-day? Wel teknikly issa Sat-her-day naow."

"Shadow..." Another groan/sigh escaped Hiei's lips. "Get a life, kid."

"I ain't no kid! I'mza full growed adult! As full growed as you're gonna gets in this parts uh Juh-pain."

Hiei groaned and slammed his head off the table.

"Well 'least I ain't bein' no perv-ert no more, know what I mean?"

"AUTHORESS SHADOW LADY, WRITING AT 1:43 IN THE MORNING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!!!" 

(Curse you, Hiei, I've written at **3** in the morning before! Don't tell me what's good for me! It's my story and my brain, and if I want to use my miniscule brain to write a story when I'm too bored to be tired, then I'll just go ahead and do that, and **YOU **CANNOT STOP ME, **WEAK FICTIONAL CHARACTER!!! **MUWAHAHAHAHA!!! Ahem. Back to the story that is being written when I'm too bored to be tired...)

"Dang, thees chapper ish short..." 

"Not really..."

A few seconds later, after word count...

Not counting these words or the chapter number and title, there's 2,450 words according to MW.

"Well that's long enough!"

"Yeah, but this chapter is stupid..."

"Dude, we aren't even s'posed to know this is just a story..."

"Oops."


	8. The Evils of a Work Day

**Next to the Bishounen Abduction, this story has the most reviews! Thank you everyone! 75 reviews, currently, and the Bishie has 102. My first story with 100 reviews. ^_^ Maybe this'll be my second. I'm so happy I'm finally worthy of triple digits of reviews. ^_^**

**Mari Youma-** 'Yay' my updating. You know, I could name all my chapters the same thing, they'd probably all be something like "Insane" or something… But "How odd" describes them pretty well too.

**kaida13-** No, it's not a real word. A Mary Sue in the fanfic world is like… A girl who is perfect, the characters all fall in love with her, she saves all their lives multiple times because she's a 15-year-old master of every martial arts and can fight with ever weapon that exists even if she's never seen it before (or something like that), and then she usually dies at the end of the story. Of course, Shadow will never die (Well, not for good). 

**Kitsune-** Actually it didn't, really. I don't get mad easily. I don't remember who it was who said that, though I'm sure I still have the review somewhere, being as I've never deleted any of them…

**nutari-** I'm actually planning on being an author when I get older, and I'll probably use a pseudonym, like Shadow something-or-other or something. ^_^

**Huyana Jaganshi-** Yeah! I updated _again_! Woohoo!

**Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure-** Thanks. Weird is my specialty.

**Tetsumaru-** Like I said to nutari, I'm planning on being an author for a living… Maybe I could do comics, too, though, cuz they'd be easy… ^_^

**Yayo-** Lots of people seemed to like the monk. I wonder why.

Draikitha- You mean you knew it was a story? That's okay, just don't tell… _them_. Shhh! 

**chocogurl-** ^_^ "How Odd" was such a fitting name. Actually, this chapter could be called that too, but this one is more evils than odds. Don't worry, I don't hate you.

**Pheonixblade-** Hopefully your mom didn't catch you… Yeah, my mom was lecturing me for getting a 75 on a Geometry test (which, with their grading… rubric or whatever… a 85 to 100 is an A, 75 to 84 is a B. So it was an incredibly low B that brought my overall grade down to an 82). Anyway, no, that monk wasn't Miroku, it was just some monk in a monastery/shrine thing…

**ONWARD, TOWARDS THE SUNSET, TOWARDS THE… Story. Yeah. It's down there. VVV**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

The Evils of a Work Day

Right. Well in the last chapter we went completely off topic to the point of Shadow and Hiei discussing how short the chapter was... But that was at 1:43 in the morning... weeks ago. This chapter we'll get back to Shadow being... a phone operator, right? Yeah. And Yusuke being a door-to-door salesman. And Eclipse... what was she now? Ah. That's where we can start.

Eclipse trailed after Hiei and Shadow into the prison, up to Akamatsu's office. Hiei walked in, leaving the two girls standing outside the door while he talked to his boss about Eclipse's new job assignment.

"Hey, girl. You came back!" one prisoner said.

"And you brought a friend!"

There were cheers from some guys and they talked loudly. Shadow knew better than to flip them off.

"So, you ditch Jaganshi yet?"

"Were you two even together in the first place?"

"Yeah!"

More cheers. Shadow stood with her eyes closed, arms crossed, tapping her foot. Eclipse looked at her curiously.

"Shadow?"

"Just ignore them... They're idiots," Shadow said airily, flashing a smirk at Eclipse as several guys burst into loud protests.

"Hey, we're not idiots!"

"Yeah, give us a chance!"

"Come on, baby, really! You got something against criminals?"

"Oh, no, nothing at all," Shadow said. "I just have something against idiots."

"But we're not idiots!"

"Yeah, what he said!"

"Ha! Obviously you're idiots, you can't even think of any other comebacks," Shadow replied.

"Shadow, what happened to ignoring them? You're gonna tick them off, royally," Eclipse warned.

"The idiots are behind bars! They can't hurt me," Shadow said. She was promptly bombarded with anything the prisoners could get their hands on (so long as it wasn't really disgusting).

"Mm-hm..." Eclipse said, watching her friend. Finally, the bombardment stopped. "And what about when they get _out_ of prison? Who's to say they'll be reformed? Maybe they'll stalk you and ra--"

Shadow smacked her hand over Eclipse's mouth. "Please, don't give them any more ideas."

Hiei walked out of Akamatsu's office just then and grabbed Eclipse's arm.

"Come on. He's pissed. You guys better not get fired again. He's tempted to add several more hours to Yusuke's and your sentences. Kurama and baka are okay, because they've still got the same job... Though I think Kuwabara's about to lose his..."

"Why?"

"Don't you remember him running up the street like a lunatic when we were coming down here?"

"Oh yeah. That was funny. Especially when I tripped him," Shadow said, smiling and staring off into space, probably reliving the moment inside her empty head.

"Okay," Hiei said once they were back in that room again. That evil room where punishments are assigned. "Here's your choices again. Pick one other than the job you just quit."

"Ahm..." Eclipse said, looking at the list, which, incidentally, consisted of... stuff... Which I'm not gonna list because I already forget them all.

"Well?" Hiei prompted after about a minute.

"Well what?"

"Which job did you pick?"

"What do you mean?"

"Eclipse, you're supposed to be picking a job, you baka!"

"Oh, right!" Eclipse said, looking back at her list. She said the first on she saw. "Concussion stand!"

"Concession stand, you numbskull!" Shadow said, hanging over her shoulder.

"Okay, concession stands it is..."

And that's how Eclipse ended up standing behind a counter surrounded by food at a junior high soccer game.

"Hey, girl, gimme a Mountain Dew, pronto!" 

Eclipse looked up at some punk idiot teenage boy.

"Anything else?" she asked, holding back her anger.

"Yeah. Gimme some nachos and cheese. Snap to it now!"

"And would you like a booger with your cheese?" Eclipse asked sweetly.

"What?! Don't get an attitude with me, concession girl! You're here to give me what I ask for! Gimme my food!"

"Would you like some genetically-engineered spuds as well, sir?"

"JUST GIVE ME MY NACHOS!"

"Yes, your royal stupidness," Eclipse said, setting a bottle of Mt. Dew and some Nachos and cheese on the counter.

"I don't think I should pay for this, because you gave me bad service! Ever heard of service with a smile, bitch?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have."

Just then, a baka orange-haired teenager tore past screaming for no apparent reason. A second later a little mouse scurried after him. Eclipse smirked.

"Now, give me the money or you get no food."

"Bitch."

"I know. That's my fourth middle name," Eclipse said, smiling innocently. "Now pay up, you ass."

Eventually the guy paid up when there was a line of about four people behind him. Eclipse served all them very sweetly with a nice smile and everything, because they were nice to her. She completely ignored the next time Kuwabara tore by and ran across the soccer field, only to be hit in the head with a ball and have the mouse catch up to him and use his hair as a bathroom.

"Hello, young man."

"Hello. Can I help you?" Kurama asked the tall guy in front of him.

"Yeah." The man produced a gun from inside his jacket pocket. "Empty the cash register."

Kurama quirked an eyebrow. Of all the places in Tokyo to rob, who the hell would rob a _flower shop_? At any rate, Karasu hadn't shown up yet, and his guard was outside (the worthless bum), so Kurama was all by his lonesome.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," he said. The barrel of the gun was pressed against his forehead.

"Do it, or I'll blow off your head."

"No, it's not that I won't, it's that I can't."

"Why not?!"

"Well, you see, this is a one hundred percent computerized cash register. You enter the money in the slot, and the computer calculates the correct change and puts it out, and only my boss has the code to open the thing," Kurama lied. 

"Well the where the hell's your boss?!"

"I've never met him, myself. I think he's nocturnal."

"YOU'D BETTER FIND HIM!"

"Oh, I know where he is... It's just that if I wake him up without reason, I think he might tear out my throat." Kurama said this all in a calm, casual voice, like talking about nocturnal men tearing out people's throats is a perfectly normal thing that every civilized human family has a conversation about over a nice spaghetti dinner...

"Yeah right. I don't believe you. Now GET ME MY MONEY!" the robber shouted. Kurama, being a thief, felt pity for this sad excuse for a criminal, who came in during the bright of day, normal business hours, making no attempt to hide his face, and put a gun on the cashier's forehead (that'd be Kurama), demanding money.

"Right," Kurama said as the gun was pressed against his forehead. "He's just through there." He pointed to the door that led to the greenhouse. "I'll go get him. No tricks, I swear. Believe me, I've been robbed before, I know what not to do."

_'Yeah,'_ Kurama thought. _'What not to do is to let him live, but I can't kill him in the bright of day, so on to plan B. Either way he gets no money.'_

Kurama stepped into the greenhouse and was surprised to see Karasu snoozing amongst the flower pots. Stupid raven.

_'I didn't feel his spirit energy... Maybe he's dead. No matter.'_

Kurama manipulated some plants and they wrapped around Karasu's mouth, instantly waking him.

"Be quiet," Kurama whispered. "Make a noise and I'll probably get shot."

Karasu's eyebrows raised and he looked at Kurama curiously. Kurama transformed into Youko, put on a hat at an odd angle to hide his ears, threw on a trench coat to hide his tail, and realized it probably would have been a lot easier to send Karasu out and said he was his boss. No, wait, never mind; then Karasu would have expected something in return. Another thought struck him and he took off the hat and trench coat, manipulated a few viney plants (this is an actual type of plant, but I don't know what it's really called, so I call it a viney plant, cuz that's what it is) until they were draped around his neck and arms, then he walked out into the shop. The robber had his gun aimed at the door.

"Young Shuichi has informed me that you wanted to talk to me?" Youko said coldly, ignoring the gun and walking back behind the counter.

The robber, upon seeing a tall, silver-haired man with fox ears and tail, got a little bit shaky.

"Open the cash register."

"... I can't do that."

"Yes you can! That kid said you could!"

"That kid was lying. It turns out he's the only one who knows the combination."

"Well then where is he?"

"I killed him for waking me."

The man was shaking rather obviously now, and if he had tried to shoot Youko, he probably would have missed due to his hand shaking.

"P-prove it," the man stuttered.

"I can't."

"Why the hell not?!"

"I fed him to the death plant."

"The what?!"

Youko made the vines around his arms move and twist like a snake. They rose up slightly off his arms and moved out towards the robber, who stumbled backwards.

"What the hell kind of place is this?!"

"Not a very nice one for people who mess with me."

The robber turned tail and ran out of the shop, tripping over a vine that Youko had manipulated into place. Watching the man run past the glass shop windows, Youko couldn't help but laugh. Then he saw his guard get up and quickly removed all the vines he'd sent all over the shop and ran back into the greenhouse area, where Karasu was still sitting, bound and gagged.

"That was good," Youko said, transforming back and putting all the plants back to their normal state.

"What was that?" Karasu asked.

"There was a robber. I scared him away rather good. Well it was more Youko, but... It was still funny," Kurama said. Karasu quirked an eyebrow.

"Whatever you say."

"What the hell were you doing sleeping in the greenhouse, anyway?!" Kurama asked suspiciously.

"I fell asleep here yesterday and when you left and the shop got locked up, I had no way to get out without destroying something, so I just slept here. Lucky it was a workday today, or I would've had to eat your plants."

"You do know there's a door to the outside right over there," Kurama said, pointing. "I didn't lock it."

"I didn't know that."

"Right, then," the redhead said, walking back into the shop with Karasu trailing behind him.

Yusuke was walking up the sidewalk rather lazily, not really making an attempt to sell anything (he hadn't sold a single dollar's worth of merchandise since he got the job), when he came to a slightly promising looking house. Don't ask me why he thought it looked promising, because to me it looked like every other house on the block. He walked up to the door and rang the bell. After a second, the door opened a crack.

"Hello! It's a nice day for a deal, don't you think?" Yusuke greeted. The door opened a little farther to reveal a shirtless man (...?), about Kurama's height. He looked rather normal, but all the lights were off and the blinds and curtains pulled shut through the entire house, as far as Yusuke could tell.

"Would you like to come in?" the man asked.

"Sure, I guess," Yusuke said, walking inside with his little dolly with the boxes of samples piled on it. The second he got inside and the door was closed behind him, the man pressed him against the wall.

"You're a very attractive young man."

Yusuke first thought was full of profanity which I will express as this: _'#$^%$&!#%#&@$^!@^%%^**&%~@#$!$^%$!%##@$!!!'_ Following that thought was something a bit more like a sentence: _'Child molester!'_ However, Yusuke said nothing, because the man continued before he could say anything.

"I would like you to stay with me. Would you like to stay with me, sexy?"

"Um, the offer's tempting and everything, but I really prefer to go home to my girlfriend, not some GAY CHILD MOLESTER!"

... And Yusuke promptly shot out the door, completely forgetting his boxes. The man instantly started going through his loot.

Meanwhile, about 20 miles down the street, Yusuke finally stopped running and stood there, gasping for breath, outside the flower shop Kurama worked in. Kuwabara ran by on the opposite side of the street screaming, again, for no apparent reason. He seemed to have adopted the role of Tokyo's local idiot instead of post officer, and lots of people weren't getting their mail.

_{A/N: Holy crap, I just realized I've written a rather long chapter in an hour. I thought I had writer's block! 2,095 words not counting the AN or chapter # and title!}_

So, deciding he did not yet want to go back to his boss and tell him he'd lost his samples due to a gay child molester, Yusuke went into the flower shop to talk to Kurama.

"Hello, Kurama," he said, walking up to the counter.

"Yusuke! Hey, what's up?" Kurama said.

"No much."

"Aren't you working?"

"Yeah, well I just lost all my sample boxes to some gay child molester, so I guess I should actually go to my boss, but I decided I like my head attached to my body, so I came in here," Yusuke said.

"Oh. Well I just got an attempted robbery a little bit ago, but I handled it fine. Then I found out Karasu had been sleeping in the greenhouse."

"... Ooookay..."

"Hello," Karasu said, waving from the corner.

"I'm surprised you're not shaking with fear, Kurama," Yusuke said. "Isn't that how you usually get when you're around Karasu?"

Kurama glared, but answered, "Well he hasn't really been hitting on me much, so I'm all right. He's just been sitting in the corner, mostly..."

"Ah. Okay. You're not gonna be friends with him later on, are you?"

And Yusuke was sent flying through the open door just as Eclipse walked in.

"What is this, the congregation place?"

Kuwabara ran by on the same side of the street as the shop, screaming, once again, for no apparent reason. They couldn't see the ferret speed by behind him.

"Operator."

"Could you connect me to Mouken's Pet Shop?"

"Rightio. You know all the hermit crabs they sell there are trained in kung fu and were hired by the IAFCW to assassinate as many humans as they can, right? Well, bye, then."

"What was that, Shadow? What's IAFCW?" Hiei asked.

"International Association For Crabbie Warfare."

"And did you just now make that up?"

"Nope. I didn't make it up! It really exists! Remember Snuffles? He told me about it!"

"Shadow, Snuffles was a hermit crab," Hiei said dryly. "And to my knowledge, hermit crabs do not talk."

"_To your knowledge_. Well your knowledge isn't very great. I'm telling you, Snuffles the hermit crab talked to me about IAFCW," Shadow retorted.

"I have never seen a talking crab."

"Have you ever seen a talking hermit crab?"

"I just said I haven't..."

"Just because you've never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!"

"That made no sense, Shadow."

"I mean, seriously--"

"Really, it didn't. You're supposed to say something like 'Have you ever seen a million dollars' when you use that argument."

"--And then he told me that his great-great-grandfather, Spiffy the crab, was the spokesperson...er... spokescrab for the department of Hermit crab justice."

"Shadow?"

"And... let me think..."

There was a buzz and Shadow picked up the phone. "Operator."

"Can you connect me with--"

"Only if you answer a question correctly. Can hermit crabs talk?"

"... No..."

"AHT! Yes they can. Sorry, no knowledge no service!"

Click.

**"SHADOW WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! YOU'RE SO CLOSE TO GETTING FIRED IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! SERIOUSLY! IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT SOMEBODY LIKE AKAMATSU MIGHT DECIDE TO RUN A SPOT CHECK AND CALL IN! THEN YOU'D BE TOAST!"**

"I like toast. Especially slightly burnt toast, with lots of butter on it."

Hiei groaned and sank into a chair nearby with his face in his hands.

"You're doomed."

"I like doom, too. Doom is cool."

Hiei groaned miserably.

"Actually, you know what else is really cool? Torture chambers. As long as you aren't the victim, those things are awesome. Like the medieval ones, what with the racks and chains and the guillotines and fun stuff like that."

Hiei melted into a puddle and soaked into the chair.

*****************************************************************************

Hey, all. I finally got a new chapter up to all of the stories which actually still have story going on in them. I'm planning on writing some bloopers or something for the bishie story still (as of 4-24-04 I'm still planning on it), but these four stories (this one, Youko Jaganshi, the 'Sun, Sand, Surf' one, and Violent Debate) come first, and I'm sure you all agree with that… If you don't, you should. Oh, and I apologize for any dumb typos, but I didn't personally proofread this. I left it to my computer, so you know how you sometimes make typos that are other words where they shouldn't be, well I apologize for any of those. ^_^


	9. Difficulties With Our Work

**I STILL EXIST! THEREFORE...  
You have permission to bludgeon me.**

**nutari-** Yes, read my stories! The more you read, the better control-- er... I mean, the more you read, the more you, uh... laugh? ::hides and holds up a sign that says "I don't write subliminal messages"::  
**Natsumi-sama-** You've got issues... What, and I don't? Yes, I do, but you've got some too.  
**chocogurl-** You understood most of what was going on? Maybe that's a bad thing.  
**C.C.C.-** You think the number of "please"s you wrote is about equal to how many times you're gonna hit me for _not_ updating soon?  
**Dark Dragon34-** Are you gonna rip off my hair and choke the beavers with it, or are you just gonna choke beavers after ripping off my hair? I wanna know what you're gonna do with my hair when you tear it off for not updating for three months or something...  
**Mari Youma-** He _almost_ got molested in the last chapter, and Karasu _was_ behaving... ::Twilight Zone music plays:: (Don't own, have no affiliation with...)  
**kaida13-** Chocolate is good. Have you ever just taken those packets of sugar they have on tables at restaurants, opened it, and ate all the sugar plain? I love doing that. :)  
**wolf-** _Kinda insane_? How dare you insult my writings with _kinda_? TAKE BACK THE KINDA AND LEAVE THE 'INSANE' THERE! (No offense...)  
**Mikoshoujo-** Well I plan on becoming an author, and you people have to help me to _become_ a bestselling author... I SHALL HAVE YOUR MONEY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!! MUWAHA! ::cough hack cough cough::   
**Bar-Ohki-** Well in this chapter, you'll see what happens when Karasu is left alone for five minutes in the shop.  
**insane miko-** Yes, well... Ah, I see you reviewed on July 1st... Well, today's July 19th... So really I did kinda update soon as far as you know, except that I haven't updated this story since April 24th... Heh heh... **Nearly three full months since my last update! **

**FEEL FREE TO BLUDGEON ME.  
This seems to be the story I put on hold most often... Cuz between posting chapter five and chapter six it was from 2-21-04 to 3-31-04 and this time it was from 4-24-04 to 7-19-04...  
Can I just say... Oops.**

**CHAPTER NINE  
**Difficulties With Our Work

"So how many more hours do we have of this?" Shadow asked one day. It seemed nobody wanted to call anybody today, or maybe word had spread about the poor service of the phone operator, because she hadn't gotten a single buzz all day.

"Of what?" Hiei asked absently, folding his 50th flying paper crane from the stack of fluorescent colored paper he'd found.

"Community service!" Shadow said, snatching the paper bird away.

"Hey!"

"Answer the question or birdy bites the dust!" Shadow threatened, holding the crane like she was about to tear it up.

"Around..." Hiei did some quick mental math. "Uh..." Okay, so it really wasn't all that quick. "How many did you have to start with?"

Shadow did some quick thinking that took five minutes. "Three hundred."

"Then I'd say you've got around one hundred fifty or something left. Something like that."

"I should already be done! Cuz I've been working forty-hour weeks--"

"For like... one week!"

"Screw you!"

"You want to?"

"Y-- NO!"

"Oh my God, Shadow, you almost said yes!"

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"... Hn."

"Hey, hey, now you're stealing my word!"

"Shut up, Hiei!"

"You wanna try to make me?"

"I won't have to _try_, I will succeed."

"_HA, HA, HA_!"

Shadow paused. "I didn't mean it."

"Mean what?" Hiei asked.

"I purposely almost said yes."

"Sure you did..."

"Why are you so stuck on it, Jaganshi? Why don't you just drop it?" Shadow snapped. Then she added slyly, "Unless, of course, you actually want to screw me..."

"Yeah right!"

"THEN WHY DO YOU NOT GIVE UP?"

Hiei shrugged. "Because it annoys you."

Shadow nearly tore out his throat, and would have, but she got a buzz. The first time that day.

"Operator," she said in her normal phone-answering-bored voice.

"Hello," said the other person. Shadow waited for him to continue. He didn't.

"Hello? Can I help you with something?" she asked.

"Mmm... Perhaps."

"Well..." Shadow was cut off.

"Hello?"

"Who are you, dude?"

"My name is Hugh Jass."

Shadow stared at the phone receiver like it was a foreign object.

"What is it?" Hiei asked.

"Some dude just said his name is Hugh Jass," she said with the receiver covered. Hiei snorted. Shadow went back to the phone.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"I need you to do something for me."

"If it involves a phone and some wires, I will."

"Can you stay on the line and three-way me to somebody?"

"I don't know if I'm allowed to do that."

"Connect me to 555-6451. Stay on the line, mind you, we need a witness."

"A what?"

"Just don't let the other guy know you're on the phone."

"Why?"

"Just connect us, stay on the phone, and be silent!"

"Rightio, dude."

And Shadow did. The other guy answered.

"Hello?"

"Mister Mike Rotch?"

"Speaking."

"Very good. This is Hugh Jass. I'd like to speak to you about our deal?"

"Very well, but I suggest the operator hangs up unless she wants to be hunted down and raped."

Shadow hung up very, _very_ fast.

"What was that?" Hiei asked.

"Misters Hugh Jass and Mike Rotch were having a peachy conversation consisting of 'Hello, the operator better get off the phone or she'll be raped'."

"Raped? What, through the phone?"

"That'd be interesting. No, he meant he'd hunt me down and rape me. The Jass dude, whose name is hopefully not really Hugh Jass, told me to stay on the line while he talking to this other dude, but when the Mike Rotch dude threatened to hunt me down and rape me, I got off real quick. I don't want that."

"Ah."

And they sat for hours and hours without another buzz.

_[AN: In case you're wondering, yes, I got those prank names from Bart Simpson's prank calls on the Simpsons. Disclaimer: Don't own, have no affiliation with.]_

Kuwabara's day was as usual. Get chased by dogs, attacked by small critters dwelling in mailboxes, and lectured by superiors when he gets back to the post office around nine at night.

Kurama's day was fairly normal.

Other than some customer speaking in a foreign language to her, Eclipse's day continued without incident.

However, Yusuke's boss had ordered him to go back to that horrid house and retrieve his merchandise.

He took his sweet time about it, too. He walked past the house slowly, then crossed the street, crossed back, walked past the house the other way, analyzing it every time, looking for the fastest escape route. Finally, after confirming that the fastest escape route was straight back the way he'd come (duh), he gathered the guts to go up to the door and knock.

The door opened a slight bit, and the face of the scary dude appeared.

"Ah, it's you. Can I help you?" he asked, opening the door a bit more.

"Um... Maybe. I was here a few days back and I accidentally left all my merchandise here... And... I'd like it back."

"Oh. That. Well it happens that all your merchandise has been destroyed."

"Oh shit," Yusuke said, imagining how his boss would react. "Thanks anyway..."

_That went better than expected..._ He thought, turning to leave. The man caught his arm, spun him around, and planted a big, disgusting kiss on his lips.

Yusuke ran faster than he'd ever run in his entire life. Sort of. In five minutes, he was back in his boss's office, hearing two words he really would rather not have heard.

"You're fired."

Oh yeah. Those words.

"What?!"

"_And_ you have to pay us back for the money we would have made off that stuff."

"_What?!_"

"Now get lost. I don't want to see you again until you have $500."

Yusuke made little squeaky noises as his mouth moved, not quite forming any words.

"OUT!"

"…And so now I have to get $500 to that dude _and_ I have to get a new job to take up the rest of the community service time, then after that I have to get a paying job to make $500!"

"Your problem, not mine," Hiei said. "I'm not even going to bother letting you pick your job this time. You can go be a garbage man."

"Are you serious?!"

"Yes. Get lost."

Yusuke, having no idea what to do, wandered out of the house, into the street, and promptly got hit by a steamroller.

Sort of.

"So you're telling me after getting fired for the second time, that Urameshi kid went out in the street and got hit by a car?"

"Well, it was actually a semi..."

"What?! Is there anything even left of him?"

"Sort of."

"_Sort of_?"

"Well, yeah, sort of."

"How is there 'sort of' something left of him? Is he in a glass jar of preservatives?"

"Well, no, but he's unconscious in a hospital bed with a broken leg, broken arm, and four cracked ribs, not to mention a multitude of gashes and extreme blood loss..."

"WELL THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THE REST OF HIS COMMUNITY SERVICE?!"

"Um... I don't know."

"Get lost, Jaganshi! I have to think!"

"One more thing. The operators section of the company Shadow was working for shut down, so now she has no job again."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

And Hiei quickly left Akamatsu's office.

"So... now what?" Shadow asked.

"So now... You get to work as a stewardess on an airplane."

"What, I don't even get to choose this time?"

"NO! YOU'RE GOING TO WALK UP AND DOWN AIRPLANE ISLES HANDING OUT PEANUTS!"

"O.o Okee dokee sir! ...Did Akamatsu-sama yell at you?" Shadow asked sweetly. She received a slap in the head and Hiei pushed her towards the exit.

The plane had just landed and passengers had unloaded. A group of young men gathered a few feet away, casting glances at Hiei as he stood near the plane.

"Is it just me, or was that guy staring at that one black-haired stewardess through the entire flight?"

"It wasn't just you."

"He looks kinda suspicious if you ask me."

"Maybe he's a criminal."

"I bet he's stalking her, but he knew he couldn't attack her on the plane."

"We should talk to him."

"If by 'talk' you mean 'drag him off and beat the stuffing out of him for being a lecherous stalker,' I'm all for it."

"But what if we're wrong?"

"We'll apologize. Okay, let's go."

Hiei barely paid any attention to the group of men approaching him until they were surrounding him.

"Hey, short stuff. You know what you get for stalking a girl?" one said. They had Hiei's attention now. He regarded them with mildly annoyed curiosity.

"You get the stuffing beat out of you!" another said.

"Come with us and accept your punishment peacefully and we won't hurt you as bad," the first one said. Hiei snorted.

"Who is it that you're thinking I'm stalking?" he asked.

"That black-haired stewardess," the first man said. "The young pretty one."

Hiei couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Maybe I _am_ stalking her, but if that's the truth, I'm not just going to stand here and let you hit me."

"Oh yeah? So you admit you're stalking her? Well, take this!" The man's fist slammed into empty space as Hiei ducked and flipped the guy over, flinging him against the man behind him.

Meanwhile, Shadow managed to get off the plane for a minute. She saw a fleeting glimpse of Hiei and ran towards him, pummeling the closest attacker with an aluminum tray.

"Back off, you psychos!" she snapped, holding the dented tray threateningly.

"What...?!"

"But he's stalking you!"

Shadow exploded in laughter. "Yeah, right. He's my guard. He's my guard _against_ being stalked! He's not stalking me!"

"But he was watching you the entire time with lecherous eyes!"

"Hiei, were you staring at my ass?" Shadow asked accusingly.

"Yeah right!" Hiei said. "Why the hell would I do that when you _live_ with me? If I wanted to stare at your ass, I'd do it at home."

"He lives...?"

"Yes, he lives with me," Shadow said. "Now take a hike, kids."

The guys that hadn't been flipped or pummeled with a tray all walked away rather quickly. Shadow and Hiei snorted.

"God, this uniform is a pain," Shadow muttered, plucking at the stewardess uniform she had been forced to wear.

"Why? You wear stuff like that all the time."

"Not skirts."

"Ah." Hiei paused. "Yes you do!"

"Not in public!"

"Ah. What about that one time—"

"Shut up and stop thinking. Just take my word for it. Unless, of course, you wanna trade places and _I'll_ be the guard while you wear a skirt and serve Dramamine to stupid kids who're yacking up the contents of their stomachs all over the bathroom?"

"No, that's quite alright, Shadow, I think I'll take your word for it," Hiei said, horrified.

Kurama sighed. "I haven't had a customer all day. I think my guard has been chasing them all off... Cuz he's so ugly, y'know?"

Karasu chuckled. "Maybe it's just you."

"I doubt it," he said. He opened the door to the greenhouse and started in, then turned. "If any customers come while I'm in here, call me out. Do NOT scare them off."

"Of course, Kurama," Karasu said soothingly. Kurama chose to ignore the tone of his voice and quickly vanished into the greenhouse.

He'd been in there no more than five minutes when a group came into the shop: A teenage boy holding the hands of two little girls, twins by the looks of it (being as they looked the same and were dressed the same). Karasu thought he heard something about 'get well soon cards' in their quiet conversation as they wandered through the shop.

_Aww, somebody's sick. Boohoo. Bwahaha. Miserable people are so easy to con._

He went and stood behind the counter. The group came up to the counter. Karasu had watched Kurama operate the cash register plenty of times and knew how it worked. The total came to something around $20, but...

_They'll never know..._

"That'll be sixty-nine dollars," Karasu said the first number that came into his mind. The teenage boy looked at him, confused.

"That can't be right. I added it all up before I came up here to make sure I had enough. It should only be $19.00," the kid said.

"Maybe you did your mathematics wrong," Karasu suggested, thinking more along the lines of, _SHIT! Maybe they aren't as miserable as I thought! Or maybe my con skills have got rusty since all I've been doing for the past year or two has been stalking Kurama..._

"No, I'm top student in my class! Almost."

"Almost, eh? There's a margin for error there, then."

"I don't think there's a fifty-dollar margin!"

"Well I'm sorry, but that's what the computer says," Karasu said, keeping his voice calm. _I'm doomed. Maybe I should just call in Kurama and let him handle it. He'd be mad, but he's kinda cute when he's mad._ Before he realized it, the kid had gone around behind the counter and looked at the screen.

"You're lying! It says nineteen dollars right there!"

Kurama, having heard the yelling, stepped out of the greenhouse, already having started saying Karasu's name.

"Karasuuu-oh _shit_," he said, taking in the situation. The customer turned around and spotted him.

"Minamino? You work here?"

"Uh... Sort of," Kurama said, slipping past him and standing next to Karasu, shooting him demonic evil glares out of the corner of his eye. "Can I help you?"

"That guy was trying to overcharge me!" the kid accused, pointing.

"I wasn't!" Karasu denied. Kurama elbowed Karasu in the face as hard as he could while apologizing.

"I'm sorry. Your purchase is free for your troubles, and please don't tell everybody in the world about this little mistake," Kurama said. The kid nodded absently, watching Karasu fall to the floor with swirly eyes. Then he snapped back to the real world and looked at Kurama.

"Thank you," he said with that "Yeah, you better believe it's free!" tone. Then he leaned closer and said in a lowered voice, "Incidentally, who's that guy outside? I've noticed he's always sitting there. What's the deal?"

"Eh heh heh..." Kurama chuckled nervously. "A friend of mine got me and a couple other friends arrested... And... This is community service. I have to have a guard, even though I had nothing to do with the riot..."

"Riot?! For shame. Well, I'll be off," the boy said. Then he smiled again. "Shuichi Minamino _arrested_? Never woulda figured something like that would ever happen..." Then he left.

_Pfft. You have no idea,_ Kurama thought. Then he suddenly felt something he never wanted to feel again and stomped on Karasu until his face was black and blue. Having a psychotic perverted gay demon grope you is something we all hope you'll never experience. (However, it's too late for Kurama... ::sob::)

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**God, what's wrong with me? I've become a lot more perverted in my stories... Like... Kurama has been horribly tortured by Karasu through all my stories... But he just got GROPED. And Yusuke got kissed by some complete stranger... MALE stranger... Is this disgusting you? Should I kinda try to restrain myself a bit? Heh heh... ::D  
**Hey! I have 86 reviews. Let's aim for 100! ::gets bludgeoned by people shouting "NOT IF YOU DON'T UPDATE SOONER NEXT TIME, DAMMIT!"::  
**It's hard to believe I started this in January... And now it's July and I'm not done... While my Wolf's Rain crossover fic took under a month... Eh heh heh...  
**Y'know, my stories have a lot of typos cuz I'm too lazy to proof read most of them.


	10. MonkieChan

**Silver Sniper-** What do you mean 'separate the different subjects?'  
**Draikitha-** Keiko isn't in my stories cuz I never remember she exists long enough to have a story for her... Pretty sad... Then again, I forgot the number of this chapter and just kinda wrote "Chapter... uhh... cheese!" as something to stay there until I looked up which chapter it was, but look, it's still there!  
**Gekiko-** I'm updating faster now. I'm happy. :D  
**Kitsune Klepto-** Yes, I updated and I'm updating again less than a week later, I think. Are you not happy?  
**C.C.C.-** I updated! Gimme wolfy NOW! Muwahahaha! ::tackles and steals the wolfy and runs away laughing maniacally::  
**Mari Youma-** Pretty much, that sums it all up perfectly. :D  
**Meiuko-** Are you serious? That's kinda scary...  
**O.O-** I know it is... I can't help it... ::sobs:: Blame it all on Eclipse! Yeah! It's her fault!  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Jeez... ::mugs the money delivery person at SC's door and steals the money:: MUWAHA! ::runs away::  
**Robin Autumn-** Yes, your royaltyness! I hath updated yet again!  
**chocogurl-** Miroku! I love Miroku. He's a perv, but that's part of the reason I like him. He's funny. Ahem... Anyway... I'm glad you don't hate my pervertedicity...  
**alucard-2004-** A God among writers, huh? Heh heh heh... I like that. Muwaha. Beat up Kuwabara more? I can do that... BUWAHA.  
**Wild Roses-** I'm sorry about the perverted stuff but my mind hath been poisoned by the nuts (the two non-anime-fans) I hang out with... But everybody else seems to like the perverted stuff... I'll try to lay off a bit, though... Or at least, try to victimize somebody other than your dear Kurama, right?  
**Abanasinia-** Glad you don't mind... And... I hath updateth.  
**Bar-Ohki-** I don't kill people in my stories... Though Karasu does need to die at times...  
**Chaya Kaze-** Um... She's reverted a bit more to baseball bats. But the good ol' crowbar should come in handy at some point or another... Muwahahaha... Poor people who annoy Shadow...  
**Okami Youkai-** I think I updated within a week of the last update... Did I? Ah. It's been a week, exactly from the 19th to the 26th.  
**Ermanil Luinedhel Elfobbit-** Jeez, your name is confusing... Um... Soccer terminology? Yeah... I don't remember what terms I used, but I played soccer in fifth grade so I still remember a little something... Like... You kick the soccer ball and try to get it in the goal... And the other team tries to stop you... Heh heh heh. All I do now that I'm nearly in ninth grade is vegetate and write and watch anime...  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** Yay, we're happy people! ::throws confetti::  
**phycotic person-** I know. Thank you very much. ::bows:: 'Tis a great compliment.

**I forgot what chapter number this was when I was writing it, so I just put "Chatper... uhh... cheese!" I intended to look up what the chapter number was, but I ended up not doing it, and I decided to leave it there because I ended up not looking it up and I still have no clue which chapter this is. :D**

**CHAPTER... UHH... CHEESE!  
**Monkie-chan

"Okay, Karasu. Rules of survival. First one is: Don't grope Kurama. Don't _kiss_ Kurama, don't _hit on _Kurama, don't _touch_ Kurama in _any_ _manner_, don't stare at Kurama, don't have any sort of false impression that he may be interested in you, do not suggest going on dates or going anywhere in public with Kurama. Kurama is off limits. The closest you are permitted to get to Kurama, by rule of The Great And Wonderful Me, is five feet. Leave Kurama alone. He's not interested in you. He wants your hands nowhere on his body, he wants to be anywhere but in your thoughts... Well, I think he'd rather be in your thoughts than in your bed, but otherwise, he does not want to be in your thoughts, he does not want you to touch him, he does not want you to stare at him or hit on him. He does not want you to kiss him. He's straight, I'm glad to say, and though it may be bad news to you, we're all a lot happier because of it. Not that we discriminate against gays, dear Karasu, but when it comes to our friends, we're happy to say they're all straight. Now! Rule number two: Obey all the rules set down by Shadow. Unless you like pain, you do not mess with Shadow. She will be very pissed. She is also quite aware she is talking about herself in third person and does not in the least care about it. Do not correct Shadow, do not touch Shadow, do not disobey Shadow, and do not stare at Shadow's ass. Hey! Stop it! Ahem. And as I was saying before, disobedience of any of these rules will result in great and painful bludgeoning. Do you understand so far?"

"So far?! You mean there's more?"

"Yes there is, and would you stop staring at me?"

"Yes ma'am..."

"Do you understand everything so far?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good boy."

Karasu groaned.

"Don't be like that! HIEI! GET THIS PERVERT AWAY FROM ME! HE'S LUSTING AFTER MY BODY!"

"He's gay, Shadow! And it's better you than Kurama, isn't it?"

Shadow whimpered. "I told him not to stare at Shadow."

"He's not staring, he's lusting. And besides, you came in here and started harassing _him_. It's not like he came to you to be lectured on proper behavior around the fox..."

"I didn't expect him to be lusting after me..."

"Well, we all pity you."

"Wait, he's lusting after you? Maybe he's getting less gay and I'll get to stop worrying about him harassing me! Isn't that grand?"

Shadow whimpered again, backing up against Kurama. "Yes, dandy. Just what I need is another pervert hanging around me!"

"Don't worry, Shadow. I'm not gonna hang around you. If I can't have Kurama, I'll just have to find somebody else. Hiei, perhaps?"

"GOD NO! Shadow, look what you've done!"

"I didn't do it! Besides, better you than Kurama, right?"

"NO, NOT RIGHT!"

"It's odd how you both can be so attractive to both males and females... I wonder what _guys_ see in you..."

"Probably the same stuff women do, except men are more worried about being able to dominate us... Which won't happen for two reasons: One, because we are not gay, and because two, we're too powerful to be dominated."

"Guys are such control freaks..."

"Says who?"

"Let's get back to the matter at hand, shall we?!"

"Ah, yes. Karasu, get your hands AWAY FROM ME!"

"My hands are no where near you!"

"No, they're near me! Shadow, stay in front of me or I'll kill you."

"CONTROL FREAK! CONTROL FREAK! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF CONTROL FREAKS!"

"We ARE NOT!"

"Okay, I give up! Let's go, people. We're leaving!"

Shadow grabbed the fronts of Hiei's and Kurama's shirts and dragged them out of the shop.

"Karasu, go find yourself a hotel to stay in. Don't stay in the shop this time. I know the plants remind you of your dear Kurama, but you're not gonna be able to live here after Kurama's done working here. So TAKE A HIKE!"

Karasu, grumbling about control freaks, followed them out of the shop. Kurama locked up and they went their separate ways (that is to say, everybody but Karasu went towards Shadow's house).

Shadow had managed to stay in the stewardess business for a week and had only ended up with one stalker problem, which she quickly solved to her satisfaction.

"That's why I don't go around people very often," Shadow had said. "They end up stalking me or hitting on me or something like that. It's just so much better if I just stay in my house and harass Hiei, isn't it?"

Shadow had no idea that she was indeed not being stalked, but just happened to see a suspicious-looking guy ('suspicious-looking' by her standards just requires him to be wearing a jacket and be standing still for more than five seconds in a place where there's either a lot of people moving around or no people at all.) more than twice in different places each time, and each time he happened to be looking in her general direction. She bludgeoned him and searched his wallet until she found his ID and discovered he was actually somebody from the airline company she was working with. After that she called in sick to work, saying she was deathly ill and unsure she'd survive, then went into fits of laughter. Hiei had to inform them she had been drugged by a recent stalker.

She hadn't, of course. We know that, but they don't.

"So... You've pretty much died as far as the airline knows," Kurama said. "Right?"

"That's what I hope..."

"Shadow, you know you're gonna end up taking longer than anyone else to complete your three hundred hours..." Hiei said.

"Huh-uh! Yusuke is! He's in the hospital! I'm just lying!"

"Lying isn't any good either," Kurama said.

"Hmph. Like I care!"

"Shadow, I really can't wait until there comes a day when you don't have somebody else to provide for you," Hiei said.

"Oh yeah? Who's providing for me now?!"

"Me!"

"You are?"

"Where the hell do you think all that money comes from?"

"A tree..."

"Good lord..."

"Oh! You mean you stole all that money from some bank or something? Or you sold stuff in Makai or stole stuff in Makai and sold it here?"

"Something like that..."

"DIDN'T I SAY I WANTED LEGAL MONEY?"

"Um... A couple weeks ago when you forced me to get a job... But you never said anything about it before then..."

"Oh. Well that's cuz I thought it grew on trees."

"You're retarded..."

"Thank you!"

"Shadow, that's nothing to be proud of," Kurama informed her.

"It's not?"

"WE'RE HOME! Let's stop talking about Shadow's stupidity for a while!" Hiei said with mock cheer, opening the door and walking inside to promptly get pummeled by a psychopathic Eclipse. She trampled Hiei and slammed into Shadow with a hug, sending her flying off the porch.

"Blaaaaaahhhhh!" Shadow screamed, slamming into the dirt. "What do you want, you nut?"

"I got fired!"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BAWLING TO ME ABOUT IT? THE PERSON YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO IS CURRENTLY SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE PORCH, THANKS TO YOU!" Shadow screamed, sending Eclipse flying through the air like a slip of paper. She landed on Hiei just as he was getting up and knocked him back onto the ground.

"Git off me!" he snapped, standing up and sending her rolling down the steps, tripping Shadow.

"ECLIPSE WHATEVER-YOUR-MIDDLE-NAME-IS SHINOMORI! GET OFF ME OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE BLUDGEONER!"

Eclipse jumped up. Shadow glared. "Now GO TALK TO HIEI about LOSING YOUR JOB!"

"You lost your job?" Hiei asked coldly.

"Yessir."

"I give up."

"What?"

"You, Shadow, and Yusuke, the three who've lost their jobs the most, are going to spend the rest of your sentence in PRISON."

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!" Shadow bawled. "You wouldn't really do that, would you Hiei?"

"Yes I would. Tomorrow."

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!" Shadow howled, throwing her arms around Hiei's neck and sobbing.

"Uh... Shadow? Could you, um... Let go of me... Maybe?"

Shadow stepped back and hit him in the side of the head. "YOU BUM!"

He fell over and was dragged inside by an angry Shadow.

"Well Hiei, since you were the one to suggest this, you can be their guard," Akamatsu said. Hiei looked at him in disbelief.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Aren't you afraid I'll be easy on them or something?"

"If you are, you'll lose your job. Off you go."

Hiei went back to the cell he'd put Shadow and Eclipse in. "I'm your guard."

"So then we're really in here?" Eclipse asked.

"Yup."

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Shadow exploded suddenly. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY _DAYS_ MAKE UP 100 HOURS?!"

"About four," Hiei said. "Spending four days in prison is better than spending another two and a half weeks doing a job like swimsuit modeling, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but..."

"No buts."

"And what about Yusuke?"

"Yusuke will do his sentence after he gets out of the hospital. Unless he wants to try another job."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'LL GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE BUT YOU WON'T LET ME? YOU ARE AN EVIL BASTARD! I'M A DELICATE WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'LL ACHIEVE BY LOCKING ME IN THIS STINKY CELL FOR HALF A WEEK, YOU BASTARD?!"

"Yeah, you're real delicate, Shadow..."

"THIS ISN'T GOING TO DO ANYONE ANY GOOD, YOU KNOW!"

"NEITHER WILL SHOUTING LIKE THAT!"

Shadow shrunk down and hid under her hands. "Sorry sir."

"You better be."

"I don't wanna eat prison food, either."

"Well I can't show favoritism, cuz then I'll lose my job, and if you want me to have money legally, then I can't do that, now can I?"

"I hate you, Hiei, and you're never going to be able to make this up to me," Shadow said, crossing her arms and glaring.

"It's Yusuke's fault you ended up in this situation anyway. Partially his, at least. The rest of it is your fault for being an incompetent fool," Hiei said.

"Oh, thanks! Now you're _really_ not gonna make it up to me!"

"I could always just tell Akamatsu that you're too troublesome for me to put up with and he could get Mister Hairy to guard you..." Hiei said.

"What the hell kind of name is Mister Hairy?"

"The name of a guy who looks a lot like a fat monkey and who yells at people for breathing too loud. If they snore, he won't let them sleep while he's guarding them. So you'd have to sit perfectly still and breathe dead silently if he guarded you," Hiei informed her casually. Shadow raised an eyebrow.

"Me? Silent? Yeah right. I'd just tell him to screw off and then I'd go about my own happy little business of talking to that giant fuzzy wolf spider that's crawling up the wall in that back corner," Shadow said, pointing to the giant fuzzy wolf spider.

"Holy crap that's a big spider," Hiei said.

"No, I hadn't noticed," Shadow said sarcastically. "Can I eat it?"

"Um... Why would you do that?"

"It'd probably be better than prison food."

Hiei groaned. "God, Shadow..."

Hours upon hours passed in prison, and Shadow sat there glaring at Hiei the entire time, until Akamatsu came out of his office and called Hiei to him.

"There's some lunatic in the main office shouting about God's wrath or something... He won't let anybody near him. I'd like you to handle it, Hiei. Get him out," he said.

"Yes, sir," Hiei said, walking towards the front office. When he stepped out of the prison and into the police station part of the building, he was met with an odd sight. The man he saw looked quite familiar.

"Little One!" the man said happily, pushing through the ring of policemen around him. Hiei stared. A few police officers snickered at him being called 'little one.'

"Monk," he said with a lot less happiness. More like confused annoyance that leaned a bit more towards anger than annoyance. "What are you doing here and DON'T CALL ME LITTLE ONE!"

"Sorry," the non-monk said. "I heard about Shadow-chan and came as quick as I could."

"How did you hear about Shadow? She didn't tell anyone! She's in prison!"

"Ah, yes, but as a monk, I am blessed with grand intelligence."

"But you're not a monk. And what's intelligence got to do with knowing what's going on in a completely different part of the city?"

"My grand intelligence allows me to use things like cell phones and e-mail," the man said, keeping the same airy mystical tone in his voice that he'd had the entire conversation.

Hiei groaned. "I thought monks weren't allowed to use that stuff?"

"You said it yourself, Hiei-chan. I am not a monk."

"_DON'T CALL ME HIEI-CHAN!_"

"I'm sorry," the non-monk said.

"I have a question before my main and important question. What are you doing at a shrine with a bunch of monks if you aren't a monk?"

"They can't make me leave. They all took a vow of silence, and they think I did to, so they can't ask me who I am and I can't answer!"

"God, you're demented. What kind of person messes with sacred things like monks?! They aren't a joke, you know."

"I know. What was your main and important question?"

"What good is it gonna do Shadow for you to be here? Do you even have a name?"

"I have a name, and I am here to pay Shadow-chan's bail."

"Are you serious? Where would a monk get a hold of money like that? Does she even have a bail fee?"

"Doesn't everyone in prison?"

"I dunno."

"You should!"

"I don't."

"For shame..."

"You're the one who should be ashamed, posing as a monk. At least I'm not _posing_ as a prison guard. I just don't know much about prisons," Hiei said.

"Ah, you are wise, Hiei."

"Yes, whatever. So, what's your name?"

"Uhhh... Jiro."

"Well, _Jiro_, I am not the one to talk to if you want to bail out Shadow."

"Who is?"

"That guy over there," Hiei said, pointing to one of the police officers who'd been trying to restrain the 'monk' when he first came in.

"That guy? He's in need of a monk's blessing," Jiro said, reaching into his robes and pulling out some paper talismans.

"What're those?"

"Talismans."

"Well I know _that much_," Hiei said. "What are they supposed to _do_?"

"Can't you read?"

"NOT IF I CAN'T SEE IT!"

"Well you don't need to read them. That's why I'm not showing them to you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to speak with that man over there about having Shadow-chan released." Jiro walked away. Hiei sighed. One of the other cops came over to him.

"You know that guy?"

"I've met 'im once before... He's a friend of Shadow's," Hiei said.

"Is he really a monk?"

"You could say that..." Hiei replied distractedly, watching as Jiro stuck one of the talismans onto the police officer's forehead so it hung over his face. "'Scuse me..." Hiei pushed past the guy and went over to Jiro.

"What are you doing?!" he snapped.

"My talismans with ensure the man will allow Shadow-chan to be released."

"You don't need those, stupid! It's the law that if the bail is paid, the prisoner is released! Take it off!"

Jiro sighed. "Fine..." He snatched off the talisman.

"Don't put it back. I'm gonna go talk to Shadow. Are you paying Eclipse's bail as well?"

"Eclipse?"

"Oh, right. You don't know her. Well, I'm gonna go talk to Shadow, then." Hiei walked through the door leading to the prison and Akamatsu, who was waiting just through the door, exploded on him.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO THROW HIM OUT!"

"A monk?!"

"He was a monk? What's a monk doing in a prison?"

"He wanted to pay Shadow's bail."

"What connection does Shadow have with a monk?! How would a monk get the money to pay that?"

"Shadow is highly religious. Didn't you know?" Hiei asked.

"By the way I've heard her swear, I had no idea."

"Oh yeah. She is. And a monk would get the money to pay that from his former job."

"What was he before?"

"Um... I think he said something about being a doctor...?" Hiei lied.

"HIEI!" Shadow yelled. "WHAT'RE YOU SAYING ABOUT A MONK? IS MONKIE-CHAN HERE?"

"Monkie-chan?" Hiei said incredulously.

"Go talk to your precious girlfriend, then," Akamatsu said. "I'm going to go talk to this monk."

Hiei walked down to the cell Shadow and Eclipse shared and was grabbed and pulled against the bars.

"Is monkie-chan here?"

"If you mean that monk who isn't really a monk but says he is, yes, he's here, and he wants to pay your bail."

"Are you serious? Wow. Kindness really _does_ pay off!" Shadow said, letting go of Hiei and looking happily thoughtful.

"... I'm not even going to inquire as to what manner of kindness you're referring to."

"Is he gonna pay my bail to?" Eclipse asked.

"Why would he? Does he know you?" Hiei asked.

"Yes!"

"No he doesn't!" Shadow snapped.

"Wait... Who're we talking about? Are we talking about that guy with the monkey on his shoulder that plays those little songs and hands out ice cream and balloons to the little kids?" Eclipse asked suspiciously.

"Ummm... No, Eclipse. We're talking about a monk. Not a monkey, and not a man with a monkey on his shoulder. We're talking about a MONK. The kind that wear cloaks and hoods and sit in shrines going 'OOOHHHHHMMMMMMMMM...' repeatedly!" Shadow explained. As they spoke, the monk drew nearer.

"The man accepted my money. You are both free to go," he said, startling them all.

"Hear that, Hiei?! Open up the door or I'll throttle you!" Shadow snapped.

"I haven't got an official order yet..." Hiei said.

"Let those two out, by all means!" Akamatsu said, running towards them counting money. He stopped by Jiro. "Thank you, generous monk!"

"No problem."

Hiei unlocked the cell door and Shadow flew out and slammed into Jiro, hugging him.

"Thankyouthankyou, Monkie-chan!" She kissed him on the cheek. "You're a lot nicer than _Hiei_, who got us thrown in here in the first place because he's too damn lazy to put up with my horrible skills on the job and my repeated loss of said jobs."

"It was no problem, Shadow-chan."

"Where'd you get all that money?"

"That's a secret."

"Well I wouldn't care if you _did_ tell me. I'm going home. Is there any pressing urgency for you to get back to being a monkie?"

"No, no urgency at all," Jiro answered, maybe a little too quickly.

"Good! You can come have tea or something! Come along, monkie-chan!" Shadow grabbed Jiro's wrist and led him out of the building, Eclipse trailing along behind. Hiei stared.

"Jeez. Maybe she really _does_ hate me now."

"Who cares? Look at all this money! He paid us way more than we asked for! He told us to keep it!" Akamatsu was saying. "Hiei, you can have a raise, just because it was your friend that gave us this!"

"Wow. Gee. Thanks. Shadow will be happy," Hiei said dryly.

Akamatsu paid no attention and went to his office to count his money like an old Scroogey-woojey.

**...................................................................**

**I'm not sure what should happen now... Hmm... Should I just write an epilogue? I have a sort of idea for an epilogue-ish kinda thing, but I'm absolutely clueless as to what else could happen if I decide to just keep writing about them at their jobs... It's getting kinda slightly repetitive if you ask me... And I don't wanna be redundant, so I think one more epilogue-ish chapter should do it.**


	11. EpiLepil Og

**I would've had this up earlier, like Monday, but I couldn't log in! OH DOOM!**

**Wild Roses-** Yes, no more victimizing... I'm not sure he's even in this chapter at all... O.o Ah-ha! But he _is_ mentioned!  
**Solaris Moon-** Pretty much you can read any story I started after this one to know the fun stuff they do after this... Technically... But I wrote the epilogue. 'Snot much of an epilogue, either...  
**Bar-Ohki-** Write a story with you, eh... Hmmm... Tempting... Muwahahaha. Hyenas spawning from Hiei's dirty socks, eh.... Hmmmmm... Friendly strangling, you say... Hmmmm... Cough. Hack. I dunno what the deal with that was... O.o Something weird, probably. But sure, I'll write a story with you, I've never really done that before but Hey! Whatever!  
**Draikitha-** Ah... I wrote an epilogue... Couldn't think of anything else to add to the actual story, so............. Heh heh.  
**kiinu-** NERDS! ::Drools::  
**animerocker-** Ah, yes, but popular belief can be true in my story because I was unaware of such facts... Maha.  
**Robin Autumn-** Forgiveness... Hmm... If I can remember what he did... O.o Anyway, just read, you'll... probably not know because I did a crappy job on the epilogue.  
**C.C.C.-** Ahh... Chapter ten... The tenth chapter... The tenth chapter, the chapter after the ninth... The chapter before the eleventh but after the ninth, and yet not a decimal... Ten... Wow...  
**PicoPicoZufuChan-** CHOCOLATE! Ukranian chocolate! From Ukrainia! Muwahaha! Or maybe from Ukrain. Ukrainiania? Ahh, yes, but it is not, forsooth, for my BRAIN IS DEAD! I've been really hyper today. Unknown reasons for that, yes.  
**Shessha's Crazy-** MY SHINY! ::gets tackled and dies:: Well would you look at that? I'm dead. Hm. Pity. Well, off to see Koenma! ::floats away to threaten Koenma's life if he doesn't bring her back::  
**Mari Youma-** I almost forgot about Karasu while writing this... You'll be able to tell when you read it. :D  
**Meiuko-** Glad you liked it. :D  
**Okami Youkai-** I think this chapter will scare you just as bad...  
**Black Cat-** Aren't you lucky Kurama looks out for your safety by tying you to a chair... Yay. Tied to a chair. How very safe...  
**suriko song-** Hee hee. Muwahahaha. Issues I have indeed.  
**xkuroxshinobix-** Okay. I plan on it. :D  
**Abanasinia-** Okay! I wrote an epilogue-type-thing but it kinda sucks, but here it is anyway!  
**Rei Jaganshi-** I update my stories now YOU UPDATE YOURS! GRR! ::does wavey thingy with arms:: I'm going nuts! Nobody's updating and I really wanna read yourzzzzzzzz! Grrrrrr! (I'm all hyper-like, I've been acting more like Shadow than myself today... I've been dancing and singing and waving my arms around like a lunatic. I'm scaring myself.)  
**kaida13-** Hiei is mean, that's how he dares. O.o And she's not really his girlfriend...... Talking in third person is scary... But I would. Muwaha! And who knows if the monk stoled the money or not... The world may never know...  
**nutari-** It's really easy for me to plan out my day: Wake up, take a shower, get on the computer for six hours or more, go to my room and write on paper or watch anime tapes, come back downstairs to watch Futurama and Inuyasha, go to bed, repeat. Rarely is my schedule differnet during summer. :D  
**baka-onna2003-** School doesn't start for me until August 30th...

**CHAPTER ELEVEN  
**EPILEPI-LOG

"CANNONBALL!!!"

"No, Shadow!"

Splash.

Yup. After everyone's job sentencing was up, Hiei retired (or maybe he just quit) with enough money that Shadow stored all of it in the bank. That is, all but enough to get an in-ground pool in her backyard.

There. That is the epilogue.

"NO IT'S NOT!"

God.

Shadow was on the diving board, staring down at a tube (I think I used to call them doughnuts... Those inflatable things that, well... look like doughnuts. Inner tube or whatever).

"Who wants to bet I can dive through the hole on that thing?"

"Shadow, those things are made so they get wedged around you and you have to tear them apart to get them off. You can't--"

"BET ACCEPTED!" She dove. The tube submerged with her, and she was forced to resurface quickly, as it had gotten stuck around her upper arms.

"I HAVE BEEN ATTACKED BY AN EVIL INFLATABLE FLOATATION ASSISTANCE DEVICE OF MURDEROUS CAPACITY AND DEADLY POTENTIAL!" Shadow said, standing in the shallow end. "And if it doesn't get the hell off me, I'll kill it."

"Have fun!" Eclipse squealed, doing a flip of the diving board. "Divey divey di--"

Splash.

Hiei, meanwhile, was sitting shirtless a few feet away, acting as lifeguard to the two stupid girls because he feared they would both die should he not watch them. And they probably would.

"Hey, Mister Lifeguard Sir! What would you do if I was drowning horribly and in great danger of filling my poor lungs full of water and dying because of it?"

"I would... Uh... Have Eclipse to mouth to mouth on you."

"No you wouldn't! Cuz she'd let me die!"

"Fine."

"FINE? FINE!" Shadow fell forward into the water and landed with a smack, doing the dead man's float (except that she's not a man). Hiei stared at her. And stared. And she didn't move. Finally, after a minute or so when she'd sunk to the bottom, he got a rope and fished her out, acting bored and "Fine, I'll play along, stupid" more than concerned. He pulled her onto his lap and looked down at her. She blew a bubble. He continued staring.

"I'M DYING, DON'T YOU GIVE A SHITAKE MUSHROOM?" she screamed. He didn't even blink.

"I care, Shadow," he said dryly. "But you _aren't_ dying. However, Eclipse might be, because she's been underwater for about five minutes now.

"NEVER MIND! WHAT AM I SAYING? YOU SAID IT'D BE FINE IF I DIED! YOU _DON'T_ CARE! FINE!" Shadow took a deep breath and held it. Hiei stared at her until she started turning colors.

"Shadow... Um... I said I care... Is that not enough?" Hiei asked, not sure how serious she was.

She was turning blue and glaring.

"Oh. I get it," Hiei said. He pulled her up against him and kissed her lips. "Happy?"

Eclipse exploded out of the water.

"I COULD BE DYING UNDERWATER AND YOU'RE UP HERE MAKING OUT! SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU CARE!"

Shadow let out her air and lay there gasping and laughing hysterically.

"But we _don't_ care, Eclipse, don't you get it?" Shadow said jokingly. "Besides, you're half water demon, so you're pretty much just a giant frog!"

"FROG? WHERE?"

Hiei and Shadow snorted. "Idiot," they said in unison, shaking their heads. They looked identical (except for the fact that Shadow's a girl in a bathing suit and Hiei... well... isn't. Good thing, too, or I'd be scared).

"WE'RE COMING IN!" came Yusuke's voice from around the corner of the house. He came tearing around the corner with Kuwabara right behind him. They did cannonballs into the pool and sent huge waves through the water that splashed out and soaked Hiei and Shadow.

"Fatso! Be more considerate or I'll kick you out of my pool!" Shadow hollered.

"... What gives you the authority to do that?" Yusuke asked.

"Did you miss the part where I said it's _my_ pool? Did you not notice it's in _my_ back yard? Did something happen to your pea-sized brain to make you forget that _HIEI_ earned all the money to buy this pool for me?!"

"... If Hiei earned all the money, wouldn't it be his pool?"

"No."

"Do you love him for buying it?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure he happily bought it, since now he's gonna be seeing you in a bathing suit every day," Kuwabara muttered. "Pervert."

"Well if that's the only reason he bought it, he could have saved a bunch of money and just asked me..." Shadow said. She wrapped her arms around his chest from behind and rested her head on his shoulder.

"That's not the only reason I let you use several hundred dollars to buy this," Hiei said. "It was so you'd stop nagging about it."

"It wasn't the_ only_ reason. Did you catch that?" Yusuke asked, nodding and grinning and pointing at the two fire demons.

"If you don't watch it, we'll turn that into a hot tub."

"... Where's Eclipse?" Yusuke said, trying to remove the attention he was getting.

"HA! See, Yusuke cares about me more than any of my closest friends! You guys should be ashamed!" Eclipse said after surfacing in the deep end of the pool.

"How can you hear all this underwater?" Kuwabara asked.

"I AM A WATER DEMON! I HAVE WATER DEMONY POWERS! MUWAHAHA!"

"You've also got stupid morony powers," Shadow said, sticking out her tongue.

"THANK YOU!"

Shadow groaned and rested her forehead against Hiei's shoulder. Then she smiled and stood up.

"Well! Time to go swimming!" She grabbed Hiei's wrist and dragged him to the pool, throwing him into the middle when she got close enough.

"Hey!" Yusuke whined, shaking his head vigorously to get the water out of his eyes. "Evil girl!"

"I'm not evil," Shadow said, smirking. She stuck one foot out over the pool, stood there for a second, then fell face-first into the pool. Smack.

Hiei, soaking wet, swam to the closest side and was about to climb out when two psychotic girls tackled him and dragged him back in.

"THERE'S NO ESCAPY!" Shadow said, laughing maniacally. "You will swim!"

"Must I?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"Not in those exact words..."

"If you don't stay in this pool, I will drown myself!"

"No you won't."

"Wanna bet?" Shadow started walking towards the deepest part of the pool.

"Fine! God!"

"Where's Kurama?" Eclipse asked.

"He's doing _schoolwork_," Yusuke answered.

"What's that? I've never done it before," Eclipse said cluelessly.

"I would imagine you had, Eclipse, since you're an A student," Kuwabara said.

"You get A's in school?" Shadow asked. "Is that like, A as in 'A Moron' or A as in 'A Idiot?'"

"They're A's as in 'A Smart Person,' you dipshit," Yusuke said. "Though I think she cheats off Kurama's papers or something."

"I'm not even in Kurama's class! How could I?"

"MAGICALLY!" Shadow sang. Then she fell forward and swam around underwater like a fish. Or a frog. Or a manatee.

Mainly, to sum this story up...

"WE ALL LIVED HAPPILY-ER EVER AFTERWARDS!" Eclipse cheered, thrusting her fist into the air and hitting Yusuke in the jaw accidentally. "Oops."

**THE END.  
ISN'T IT HAPPY?**

Oh, and on a side note, Karasu hit on the wrong person and got thrown in jail. That's his 'happily ever after.' :D

**. . . . . . . . . . . .**

**It sucked, didn't it.**


End file.
